No Woman No Cry

 “No Woman No Cry”, on the occasion of International Women’s Day, when we are celebrating womanhood in all its forms, why this allusion to Bob Marley’s very popular chartbuster ? Well, he obviously meant it ….if there were no women, there would be no tears!  Most married men recall their bachelor days with that nostalgic sigh, which conveys all that they can’t express in words. Men at least the men we knew, not the metrosexual clones, don’t cry, if they could they would shed copious tears every time someone posed this question. Incidentally this anthem was sung by BoneyM also with Bobby Farell the only male member of the group grooving but on closer scrutiny he seems to be brooding surrounded by three damsels, while the lead singer Liz Mitchell was all smiles while crooning. I wonder whether the lyricist in this case Bob Marley himself, had put himself in the shoes of Adam, (but for Eve’s temptation we would all be in  Eden!! ), when he composed this iconic song. To be fair, Bob Marley only asked the women “Not to Cry!” 

Someone rightly posed a question as to what about the Men’s Day and was promptly told that 1st May the International Labour Day was dedicated to the Male species of Homo Sapiens. There was also one where the woman promptly counters if 8th March was the only one dedicated to the fairer sex what about the rest 364 days, which too belonged to them only.

Before I get lynched and trolled I better make amends, so here goes…

Well actually Woman is definitely more than a Man, as she has the “Man” within her, the Female has Male within, in other words those of us who are not Mathematically challenged would sum up that Man is actually a sub-set of Woman. So when women’s lib types demand freedom, I am actually at a loss, it is we men who should be demanding this men’s lib …..it is we who are caged even literally. She is all encompassing, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”, as penned by William Ross Wallace payback in 1865. 

We in India always knew that, just that some of our ancestors took this liberty business a too seriously, in the bargain, ended up as a lost cause themselves.  Yes like all the other societies we have had our share of misogynists, and still have them amidst us, but we live on hope….

Despite having a very strong Mrs Indira Gandhi as the Prime Minister for more than a decade or for that matter  Sonia  Gandhi,Mayawati and Mamta  Didi ruling the roost in their respective domains, the women have  not been able to break out of the shackles. Tokenism is what we resort to, let the women into the combat arms of the Armed Forces, let them get into NDA, but not in the ranks. Why is there no demand for that? Women’s reservations for the parliamentary seats is always buried by all the political parties. Though to be honest even that would be more of tokenism only, as the institution of “Pradhan Pati” has taken roots. Pradhan Pati is the husband of the Lady Sarpanch of the Village Panchayat and it is he who calls the shots. Deja vu, you would recall the Rabri Devi Lalloo Yadav days.

Women’s Days will come and go, unless the mindset changes, and there  is healthy respect for women in general, within our families and our work places, we will continue with sloganeering. We should not need to Save the daughter, just educate her, empower her, ensure she is financially independent and  she will save herself….She is the Mother, the creator…Maa tujhe Salaam!!!

Russian Roulette

Indians and Pakistanis are normally on friendly terms when they are not in their respective countries. After all they have shared a common heritage, although our neighbours have been living in denial since independence. The relationship is not easy though, we speak the same language which does help forge a bond. While in the UN there were quite a few colleagues from the not so friendly neighbourhood, we were “hum nivala, hum pyala”, as they say in Urdu, i.e. we shared food and drink too. Why this sudden allusion to Indo-Pak relationship, well Russia-Ukraine have shared a similar history. One nation, broke up and today sworn enemies at each other’s throats. Not really it is the Bear which has the Ukrainians in a tight Bear hug almost choking them. 

Once again I am reminded of the UN Peacekeeping days in Cote d’Ivoire where we had Russian officers as our colleagues in the Military Observers Team and Ukrainian pilots flying the ramshackle machines and landing them in most unforgiving areas. Russian-Ukrainian bon homie was visible, they spoke Russian, were part of the same USSR Army just a decade ago. Russians were immensely proud and looked down with disdain on most other Army personnel. Obviously they hated Gorbachev and Yeltsin for reducing them to this status from a one time Super Power.

I am sure they would be mighty pleased with Putin, who shares his first name with Lenin himself, Vladimir…he had to be different. The other day I was taking a walk in Nehru Park in Delhi, guess whose statue appears there prominently, Lenin himself. I am not sure there would be many countries where Comrade Lenin’s statue still finds a pride of place. Our socialist milieu would definitely be proud of our allegiance and maintaining the links with history. Putin has left an indelible mark in the annals of history, whether he lands up in league with Hitler, Stalin and their ilk or Napolean will depend on the outcome of this desperate measure. If he emerges victorious he would have changed the course of history, else obviously he would be dumped in the dustbins as another villainous Saddam.

Putin incidentally shares his name with another famous or rather notorious Russian, Rasputin, those of our generation would definitely have grooved to BoneyM's chartbuster, “Rasputin…Oh those Russians!” The once KGB Boss is in no mood to relent and despite the whole world against him, he has decided to finish off what he started. The Yanks obviously underestimated him, you can’t blame them; after all Putin has been at the helm of affairs for almost two decades now and he had behaved quite rationally so far. This irrationality has shocked the West or has it?  

The Military Industrial Complex had been at a loss ever since Afghanistan wound up. The Arms lobby was in desperate need for another conflict to keep them going. One can almost see them celebrating, Ukranian canon fodder, in lieu of some Third World Asian or African nation, even better….after all they are Caucasians, blue eyed and blue blooded….more tears will be shed! The global economy in turmoil... all indicate happy tidings for the Arms lobbies world over.

 We may have given the Non Alignment a quiet burial but national interest is paramount and that has dictated our actions so far. We depend on the Russians for our security concerns.So India and US may be natural partners, oldest and largest democracies, Strategic Partners and so on....but "There are no permanent friends or permanent enemies just permanent interests." Thus spake William Clay, a black American politician. We Indians have perfected this art at home while switching allegiance between parties, keeping in mind only personal interests, ideology can be damned or be adopted. Having mastered it, we can practise it with ease.

“Mera Joota Hai Japani, Sar par Lal Topi Rusi…” , the Awara vagabond RajKapur crooned and won the hearts of Communist Russians, erstwhile USSR. Even today, old timers still hum the tune nostalgically. Indians continue to walk the tight rope doing the trapeze act between the West and and the Ruskis.  Russian Roulette does keep things interesting.....

HIJAB

 Hijab is the latest storm in the tea cup, a couple of years earlier most of us would have concluded it to be a typo with "K" being omitted, i.e. mistaking it with "khijab". Khijab in Urdu, the language of love and poetry as they say, means hair colour or Hair Dye as it was known, till it changed colours from Godrej to Garnier. Khijab was a must have to preserve the youthful looks, as insecurities struck the potbellied middle aged person who was mortally scared of being addressed as "Uncle". In fact there was an advertisement which latched on to this very middle aged challenge. How I wish it was the Khijab which was the bone of contention as Hair today Gone tomorrow, would also have done the vanishing act and spared us this ordeal.

Alas, it is Hijab, the veil which has stirred the hornet's nest. The controversy which erupted all of a sudden erupted at a crucial juncture in Indian politics, with five states going to polls. Although Karnataka was not the affected state as far as elections go, but an emotive issue such as this has major ramifications pan India.Sure enough instead of quietly trying to resolve a deeply polarising issue, everyone was just stoking the fire. Media had a field day, politicians cutting across party lines started to wail whether "To be or not to be veiled". Some felt it was encroaching on the religious freedom enshrined in the constitution, while the others felt it was misuse of that very freedom especially in an academic institution. Some quoted the Quran, the others cited  Muslim countries  Saudi Arabia, Palestine where Hijab was not mandatory.

Wearing of Hijab is a personal choice, one can't dispute that, however, the requirement of adherence to a uniform whether in an academic institution or any other organisation is also mandatory and needs to be respected. There is no compulsion on anyone to join any institution, the choice to quit such an organisation should be exercised rather than seek an exception on such grounds.

Be that as it may, the controversy refuses to die down. As if domestic counsel was not enough, expectedly Pak joined issues, but surprise of surprise, the US too joined the bandwagon. Fortunately friend Trudeau is himself in truck turmoil, else he would have loved to do an encore a la Farmer's agitation. Politics makes strange bedfellows.....only these bedfellows are now intercontinental. "Vote ke liye kuchh bhi karega' borrowing from a forgettable Hindi movie "Love ke liye kuchh bhi karega" that is the only commandment which politicians of all hues colours and nationalities follow.

Reservations

 Mention of the word 'Reservation', is akin to showing a red flag to a bull, before you can complete your sentence that it was train reservation that you were referring to and not reservations for the supposedly downtrodden and oppressed, the youngsters will be up in arms. We have reservations  about the concept of reservation itself notwithstanding. Have you ever wondered, why are the train seats and berths reserved while flight tickets are booked or restaurant tables reserved!! You may attribute it to the Quirks of the Queen's language! 

While I have been singularly fortunate having joined the Armed Forces, where no such reservations are prevalent, our generation had its first major encounter in1989, when the word reservation became a part of the lexicon for the youth, when Mandal and Kamandal were pitched against each other. Kamandal signifying the Ram Janmabhoomi movement and Mandal named after Mandal Commission which had recommended 27% additional reservation for the OBCs (Other Backward Castes). While we were aware of reservations in Govt jobs and professional institutions for Scheduled Castes/Scheduled Tribes, it was limited to 10%. A sudden jump of 27% percent shook the students out of their stupor and they reacted by playing with fire, literally immolating themselves against the implementation of this ill advised policy amendment by the then PM Mr VP Singh. Without going into the gory details of the tragic consequences of that agitation, suffice to say, the students ended up losing not just their seats in academic institutions but also subsequent prospects of decent Govt employment opportunities as well. 

When Reservation was conceived by the architects of the Constitution it was supposed to be for a period of ten years as a temporary measure. How it came to be perpetuated ad infinitum is the story of blatant opportunism across party lines. 

Anyway, to return to the present day situation where my daughter is an affected party courtesy the latest Medical PG Entrance reservation policy of allocating 65% seats to various reserved categories and leaving just 35% for the General category. The irony of the situation dawned on us when discovering her plight despite such a good score in the Entrance test, our chef commented wryly, “Aap General category hain na!!”(Unfortunately you belong to the General category). Reverse discrimination was as blatant as it could be. A couple of years back, my friend’s nephew was going steady with a girl, her classmate in a professional institute. When the boy’s parents approached the girl’s parents for marriage, they were refused point blank because the girl belonged to a reserved category and they did not want their progeny to lose the privileges granted due to the reservations available in all walks of life in India.

Where does this leave the General category middle class student, he is suddenly made aware that he is underprivileged because he/she belongs to a supposed Upper caste, whose ancestors more than a century ago suppressed the so called people whose progeny today enjoy this privileged and exalted status. The irony is city dwellers were probably not even aware that the caste conundrum had such ramifications. Situation in the rural areas though is different, there are a number of incidents where the Upper castes are reported to have carried out atrocities on the downtrodden, but even there it is the rich Upper caste and not their poorer kith and kin as they are subjected to similar humiliation due to their penury. 

The Fourth Estate has played a very negative role in perpetuating casteism by dutifully highlighting only one side thereby vilifying entire communities. During elections, our national jamboree and favourite pastime this is taken to ridiculous levels, where only caste calculations are highlighted right from the selection of candidates to demography of the constituencies. I wonder why such blatant caste based analysis and reporting is permitted. The liberals would argue that by merely ignoring and not reporting this phenomena is not going to disappear, yes but having overdone it for almost seven decades since independence we are nowhere near getting rid of this monster either. Isn’t it time we change tracks, look for other alternatives or shall we continue in this same state, thereby further increasing the chasm into an unbridgeable social divide. 

Toxicity

"Toxicity" was a 2001 chartbuster from the band "System of a Down", while it is supposed to have focused on the other forms of toxicity prevalent in the society then, drugs, religion, corruption and so on. Today the additional form of toxicity which is way more pernicious and has effected all and sundry is the 'social media' variant. Sometimes I think it ought to be labelled Anti social media, because that is precisely what this medium of communication has turned out to be. A true Frankenstein, it has transformed perfectly sane and sensible people into 'Digital Devils'  who drive perverse pleasure in spreading all kinds of falsehood without batting an eyelid or considering the consequences of their irresponsible acts. The phone has become smart but it has turned its owners into dumb fools.  On line Trolling has assumed gigantic proportions, since the phone is ubiquitous, the access to this medium to hurl invectives in an anonymous manner has given such a tool to the goons that they have simply gone berserk. Everything is fair game here, there are no holy cows; in a strange way it has democratised trolling! 

While people in public life, celebrities learn to live with the constant glare and scrutiny, probably they even relish it, but of late the levels  of abusive language has reached its nadir. Amazingly, the media platforms seem to be encouraging these activities rather than curbing them in the name of a misplaced perception of freedom of expression. This freedom comes at a huge cost, that of human decency, common sense and sensibilities. These days religion has come to the fore I am appalled  at the what's app posts which I often encounter in many of the groups that I have been part of. Shockingly these friends of ours have been our best buddies through thick and thin;  but even they have undergone a change. I am not sure any longer whether these views have emerged now from some deep recess of their hearts where this hatred lay buried or it is this constant social media barrage which has made them review their own beliefs. Unfortunately there is a huge distrust between the two sides, and one must belong to either of them, else you are branded as the 'other'. Sane voices who could accept genuine criticism have suddenly become extinct.

The latest 'hatemongers' have unleashed "Bulli Bai" supposedly an app developed for auctioning Muslim women on GitHub, a provider for internet hosting owned by Microsoft. While the culprits have been arrested, the app has been taken down, the malaise is much deeper and needs serious introspection by everyone. We knew propaganda is a powerful tool, Joseph Goebbles proved it in Nazi Germany, it indoctrinated millions into believing in Aryan supremacy. We have also witnessed the rise of fanaticism in the name of Islam being in danger and Jihad. India mercifully was spared although one can't deny the existence of fringe elements. Then why is the largely peaceful democratic society of ours turning vicious and itching for a civil war. Some would blame the present dispensation for the ills facing the society, others would find fault with the opposition, some others would lay the blame squarely on the fanatic religious leaders, to an extent all these reasons have contributed to the mess. 

The digital Czars Microsoft, Google etc too have assumed larger than life proportions and in their greed for profits have forsaken common sense and decency in their business models, else how can you explain apps such Bulli Bai being approved for hosting or even tool kits for spreading discontent in any society. They have been raking in the moolah with no responsibilities whatsoever on the consequences. They need to be reigned in, I know this may be anathema to the liberals but liberty is only possible when accompanied by responsibility, else measures need to be instituted to correct that.Print and electronic media too need to take a lesson in objectivity rather than the highly partisan reporting which they have been indulging in over the last couple of years.

Each one of us is responsible for his own beliefs and behaviour, collectively these should contribute to the cause of society and nation building and if that is not the case we need to look within! 

Creamy Layer

When winter comes can chapped dry and flakey skins be far behind? The red chubby cheeks would turn dry and rough, anathema for most caring mothers. Most kids dreaded the evening bed time ritual when mothers would tiptoe quietly and apply glycerine on their faces. Glycerine made our faces sticky and this evening Holi ritual reminded us of the applying of colour on the faces with the usual one liner, "Bura na mano Holi hai!"( Don't take it otherwise, it's Holi, the festival of colours). For most mothers it was their duty to keep their children's faces smooth and all possible methods were adopted, first some incentives then threats and finally just deceit engage the kids in harmless banter or even bedtime stories and then in a flash, the hands would do the trick with kids left smarting and literally licking their wounds or should I say lips, glycerine was sweet to taste!  The other variants  could be moisturisers, creams, malai(fresh cream) so on and so forth. Kids being kids couldn't care less, red chapped cheeks, the skin on the hands and feet too joining the league of culprits ....... Naturally we were adept in going to the ground, playing all those games where the contact with mother Earth was a prerequisite, which only hastened up the process. 

Uncle winters was not a welcome guest in most households, as we were forced to put on sweaters, pullovers, monkey caps and layers and layers of clothes were thrust on most of us; worst part was that the days were short. Evening games time had to be compromised and that meant more time for homework and study period, not a healthy prospect by any standard. Similarly morning hours were equally dreadful, having to part with the warm and cozy quilts to get dressed for the school. Mothers would lovingly nudge us but it was the Dad's booming voice which spurred us into action and served as the much needed marching orders.

Army is a great organisation, it takes care of each and every need of its personnel, whether it is uniform, weapons or even personal requirements such as vaseline for the winters. Each one of us was issued petroleum jelly to be applied liberally on our faces and lips in mountainous regions. Frankly the issue type vaseline was the best moisturiser against the vagaries of winter chilly winds. These days of course there is a huge market for the cosmetics associated with winter needs for soft and silky skin of the fairer ones. I often wonder why don’t they simply use pure and simple gold standard vaseline, if that were to happen the cosmetic industry would go bankrupt and may even try and malign vaseline as a product.

Old timers and the rural folk do not believe in these chemicals to enhance or protect their skin, they believed in the trusted Creamy Layer, good old malai (fresh cream) was a panacea for all their needs. South Indians would plump for coconut oil and Punjabis would go a step further and use desi ghee generously. No wonder their skins radiate even today.

Any takers for the back to the roots or malai….!

Mosquito Menace

It is well past midnight, after a session of Netflix, satellite TV programmes are passé, when one is just about falling asleep, from somewhere in the dark hidden spaces emerges a mosquito with just a single point agenda of not letting you sleep peacefully. It was a long day at work and a good night's siesta is what the doctor has ordered, but man proposes and mosquito disposes and with disdain. Like a kamikaze he just approaches his target, undaunted, a true 'mai ka lal'(mother's son), he even warns the victim of his intent with his gentle humming that here I am, 'catch me if you can'! In a valiant attempt I wave my arms around trying to ward him off, but I am no Prithviraj Chauhan, who could fire off a 'shabd bhedi baan'(an arrow shot only with the sound as an indication of target or 'sonic archery', a modern day acoustic radar picks up the target by its sound waves), so it is just an exercise in futility. During the second World War, Light Machine Guns(LMG) were deployed in anti aircraft role, where they would try and engage any aircraft which came close enough within range could be shot down. I am not sure if it succeeded ever, but probably it did give the ground soldier some psychological support at least. Our arms are typically like these LMGs just firing away for our own satisfaction, not scaring the pilots at all. Hoping against hopes that this show of strength  would deter him and let me drift onto a peaceful sleep which too is beckoning eagerly. 

Alas, mosquitoes are not such gentle souls, who would give in so easily, so this time he or is it a she, even more dangerous with the dengue menace prevalent, approaches from the starboard side of this human sub buzzing gently in the most innocuous and yet menacing way, "You can't just wish me away, I am here to do my job!" In yet another attempt I flail my arms all over trying to scare him/her away . No such luck, s(he) succeeds in the mission, finds his way onto an unprotected part pricks and flies off, leaving me  just swatting myself and in the bargain foregoing my forty winks.

As a kid, I had read a beautiful Japanese story about a very loving couple where the husband was madly in love with his wife, but unfortunately she dies; the desolate husband does penance and obtains a boon to bring her back to life by dropping three drops of his blood on his wife's body. Lo and behold, she resurrects....the husband is gloating and tells her as to how he managed to revive her! After a couple of days, when reminded of his penance again, the wife quite irritated by now, says, "Here take your three drops of blood, piercing her finger with a needle!"; the moment the blood drops fall off, she again turns lifeless. Deeply regretful, she now turns into a mosquito and is still looking for her elusive husband who could give her those three drops of blood...

Mosquito menace has been the bane of soldiers, in fact during the Burma Campaign more lives were lost to malaria than to the Japanese fire. So much so that it was an offence to get malaria for a soldier! Quite ridiculous you would say, well it carried on even post independence, as apparently the soldier either did not use the mosquito net or DMP oil (Dimethyl phthalate, mosquito repellant issued to all soldiers). The oil was a repellant alright , but not for mosquitoes, as they had made their peace with it, humans though rebelled against it. I am also reasonably sure that mosquito nets were designed by that same Japanese lady when she was reborn as a human to seek vengeance against humans. This net effectively puts us in a cage, with our nemesis free to roam around and mock at us, knowing very well that they will manage to sneak in some time in the night, when some part of your body would turn into a Mir Jafar (He betrayed Nawab Sirajudaullah in Battle of Plassey) and would provide them an opening to storm the citadel. Like an army of guerillas mosquitoes will  then swoop down and make a killing. We will be left clapping while the mosquitoes have flown away ...."Sala ek machhar admi ko hijra bana deta hai!"(Damn just one mosquito can turn a man into a eunuch), that is one of Nana Patekar's famous dialogues in a Hindi film. With due apologies to the woke generation lest they take an offence in my usage of this word for transgenders!