In Pursuit of Hedonism

 In the ‘love affair’ series, this one is about my affair with the most unlikely of places, guess what, ‘hospitals’! The exclamation mark I understand is  actually an under-reaction by the reader. Who in his right frame of mind, would fall in love with hospitals of all places? No I am not married to a medico, as medical colleges were prime targets for young bachelors wooing the doctor damsels. But then mine is an affair of a lifetime, having had my brushes over the last near six decades that I have been around. My previous escapades can be perused on Carry on Doctors https://thesuyashsharma.com/carry-on-doctors/

I am sure we all recall the “Lymphosarcoma of the Intestine” from Bollywood movie Rajesh Khanna, Amitabh Bachchan starrer “Anand”, so the disease must at least sound impressive, so how is Gastro Oesophagus Reflux Disorder (GERD), Hiatus Hernia with Barrett’s as a diagnosis ? I had been diagnosed with this GERD almost fifteen years ago, an ensuing endoscopy revealed that there were Barrett’s as well but the symptoms could be managed with lifestyle changes. In simpler terms, it was essentially hyper acidity with reflux, which most of us complain about off and on and treat it with Eno or Digene or sometimes both, the more aware lot resort to a tablet of Ranitidine or Pantaprazole. In my case, I kept a ready stock with me but despite the lifestyle changes it gradually deteriorated and multiple barrett’s resulted. 

Lifestyle changes were not too much of an ask, except that I had turned a strict vegetarian from the occasional maukatarian,(a typical fauji term for occasional non-veg eater for an otherwise vegetarian) and my social drinking too had to be shunned in favour of mock-tails, which are generally the preserve of the ladies. So I bid farewell to not just these pleasures and vices that we indulge in but also my circle of friends who naturally were appalled at my having turned a total Sufi. Mind you a veg teetotaller is quite a pain as a guest, as the hostess has to perforce cater for some paneer dishes which are otherwise anathema to the rest of the crowd. Abstinence from drinks implies that one remains in senses, where as the whole aim of the party is to get sozzled and talk utter nonsense, in other words have fun.  Well, if that was not enough, I had started  observing the tenets of Jainism rather strictly, not abstaining from onion and garlic, but adhering to the evening meal times. In the evening, we have the sun down sleeves down rule as an anti malaria measure to prevent rank and file from being bitten by mosquitoes. During the Burma campaign in Second World War, malaria killed more troops than the Japanese. Anyway without digressing into matters military and Japs, let us  get back to the non-violent Jains, who dutifully partake their evening meals when the fauji hasn’t even commenced his routine sundowners. Apparently, in the bygone era, when the world was without electricity, a meal in darkness or in dimly lit with kerosene or earthen lamps was prone to small insects falling into the gravies and inadvertently becoming a part of the meal, thus making the practitioners of Jainism a sinner having killed and consumed a harmless animate. 

In my case it had nothing to do with my vegetarianism, but the sheer fact that I needed that extra two-three hours for the meal to get digested before hitting the bed, lest, the food decides to cause a reflux by heading in the opposite direction from where it was intended to be despatched. In other words, you are up and about at midnight with your mouth and the throat at the receiving end of Hydrochloric acid mixed with the undigested food particles, not a very pleasant taste by any standards. This occurrence at regular intervals, causes these barrett’s oesophagus, which is supposed to be pre-malignant. Emperor of maladies is scary to say the least and naturally one immediately rushes to the medicos to ascertain the truth, at least the wise ones (like me!!) do that and not rely just on google and social media. Well I am told without mincing any words, that I have been foolishly carrying on with this malaise, whereas it should have been treated laparoscopically at least a decade ago rather than let it grow to this size. 

Well, that can’t be undone, so get under the scalpel pronto and put this hernia eight centimetres under the diaphragm, where it had protruded into the oesophagus and God created ‘Non-return Valve’, the ‘sphincter’ which is entrusted with the task of ensuring food travels just one way, down, starts malfunctioning and we end up suffering. The damn things one day just decided to up the ante and bled, sending me scurrying to the doctors in the family my sis and my daughter, who admonished me for my negligence and asked me to undergo an endoscopy right away.

Left with little choice, I followed their instructions meekly, just surrendered to their diktats and landed up in Delhi for the  surgery. BLK-MAX Super Speciality Hospital in Karol Bagh was homed onto as Dr Deep Goyal had treated my younger brother’s rather complicated case of a burst gall bladder very deftly two years ago. I must say, our trust was well placed as his team of doctors was highly professional and I was out in precisely about 36 hours from the time of admission having successfully sorted the dam hernia out for good having pushed it down, where it belonged and tied a mesh around it to prevent a recurrence. The benefits, apart from returning to the good old tamasic or hedonistic  way of life from the forced satvik one (two of the three gunas (qualities) in Hinduism), getting rid of the tyranny of the double pillows, which ended up giving me a stiff neck each morning and welcome amongst the friends once again as a normal human being.

PS – My apologies to my friends and coursemates as I have kept this under wraps till now, as I did not want BLK hospital to be invaded by my well-wishers, attired with their medals and regalia sending them scampering rather than attending to the patients. Now I am back home, mandated by the doctor to follow a strict regimen of diet for the next about six months, then it is obviously party time folks!!