Ye Dhuan Sa Kahan Se Uthata Hai

“Ye dhuan sa kahan se uthata hai”, Mehdi Hassan would not be asking this question now, as all fingers will point at our National Capital Delhi. Delhi is on a high these days, come winters and Delhiites need their usual fix, without which they start suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Since last couple of years, the farmers from Punjab-Haryana have been providing their quota, apart from the usual contributors to this cause, the Sulphur  and Carbon Mono Oxide belching vehicles make it a heady cocktail. The outsiders can’t keep up and either scoot or get knocked out, but the true blue blooded, smoked Delhi-wallah relishes it so much that not a soul stirs, they just love it. Now just imagine if there was any other aspect, such as road rage, drunken driving, or simply any fake news about communities Delhi wallah will be on the street demanding a ban, and the city would grind to a halt. 

But this AQI, which sounds like AQ Khan, remember him, the thief, who got Pak nukes, so how can they trust AQI, when the initials are so suspicious. Air Quality Index, firstly what exactly has ‘quality’ got to do with it, we Indians believe in ‘quantity' so more the merrier, if AQI is higher obviously that is better, common sense. Delhi being the capital, must lead from the front, so it is not just the leader but miles ahead of the others in the fray. There is a new term which is being thrown around these days, GRAP, Graded Response Action Plan, there is something amiss here, Delhites are only used to grab(bing) anything and everything, so the P is a misprint, the lower half semicircle was up for grabs and someone stole it, reducing the B to a P. Actually the acronym was GRAB, “Gases Relished and Binged”, but the typo was a parali (party) pooper. 

Hitler was such a novice that he was blamed for the holocaust, he should have been in Delhi to learn the tricks of the trade. All that he needed to do was to employ the target population in these open gas chambers, pay them hefty sums to keep them happy and suspicion free and like the Hindi Film villain Ajit’s iconic dialogue, “Inhe liquid Oxygen mein dal do. liquid inhen jeene nahi dega, Oxygen Marne nahi dega! .” “साँप भी मर  जाते और लाठी भी नहीं टूटती”। For all you know he may have been hailed as the greatest progressive statesman. 

But seriously, with GRAP 4 situation , isn’t it about time that Delhi be placed under a lockdown. We have braved a lockdown during Corona, so we are experienced, we can handle it well. If the Govt can’t do it why can’t the citizens themselves resort to this drastic measure, just take the week off from work, don’t open shops, close down the markets, except essential services such as hospitals, eateries etc just close shop. The honourable Supreme Court takes Suo Moto notice of whole lot of things, if this isn’t an emergency, what is? Why can’t they intervene, because the elected representatives are too busy playing the blame game, the usual suspects are, Parali vs Diwali crackers and so on. 

The problem is essentially of pollution, not just atmospheric, which it most definitely is, but of our minds and brains which too have got polluted. But we can’t blame them, they too have been subjected to the same gaseous torture since almost a decade or more. So no ifs and buts, Odd/Even just Lock Down. Delhites your lives matter, you have nothing to lose but your masks and air purifiers.