ANTS IN THE PANTS

 'Ants in the pants' is how one may describe the  disease which effects most air travellers in domestic airlines. I am not so sure about international air travel as haven't flown abroad so frequently, but invariably we Indians are at our best behaviour abroad, so highly unlikely. I am sure each one of us has been a witness to this very familiar scene, the moment the aircraft comes to a halt, even before the stewardess can announce the arrival and the connected formalities, the dreaded bug bites all and sundry. So before  she can say Jack Robinson almost all the passengers are on their feet and rush into the alley, open the overhead storage bins, pull out the baggage. In the process if it happens to land on a fellow passenger's head, they couldn't care less and surprise of surprise the one at the receiving end also is ready to grin and bear it as he himself is desperate to get hold of his baggage. If ever there is an Olympic event to check who are the fastest on their feet in the aircraft, needless to say we will bag the first 100 positions. 

We, the ones who do not conform to these kins of the legendary Jim the fastest, 'stand out' or rather continue to 'sit in' like sore thumbs. The circus is quite amusing if one is not stuck in the middle at this sudden spurt in the activities.  The best part is that these antsy don't even wait for the aero bridge or the ladder set to be in place and even if he/she is the last seat variety with no chance in hell to get ahead, he still does the same routine. The air crew are at their wit's end despite repeated pleas to continue to be seated and await their turn, the passengers just ignore them and bash on regardless. As it is 'cattle class' travel  is quite cramped and God forbid if you land up on the middle seat, where even the hand rests having been usurped by the window and aisle seated passengers by virtue of their exalted status. After all no one opts for  for this seat, despite it being free, you just get it, like it or lump it. 

Invariably  the window seat fellow is in a tearing hurry and is keen to get out so if you the middle seat wallah  have to fall in line, else the person is at liberty to execute a standing broad jump or may be just execute a perfect dive-roll into the aisle straight to go over you lest he be left behind. May be we should train our athletes and gymnasts on calisthenics within  the premises of aircrafts, they will improve their flexibility and also their reflexes. In fact although we do not have any claim to fame in rugby, but again a session in the aircrafts would provide them with an ideal platform for executing their tackles to capture the valise.

Sometimes I wonder whether the airlines should open the emergency exits for these hurricanes so that they can simply jump outside and be the first off the blocks in this race. Alternately Indians need to rework their designing of commercial aircrafts, where the aisles should be as wide as six lane expressways with no toll and barriers, till then sit tight and watch out for the baggage in the overhead bins or alternately work hard to graduate to higher echelons and start travelling Business Class.