Spit and Polish

Spit and polish is defined as exaggerated detail to cleanliness, isn't it funny, as the act of spitting in normal course would obviously lead to the exact opposite. The term as the name suggests probably originated in the military as troops commonly resort to this act to enhance the shine on their shoes while polishing their shoes. Actually to be honest, almost all the cadets would have also indulged in it sometime or the other. After all the glint on the shoes was a reflection of the effort put in towards your dress which is a mirror of your personality, at least in the perception of the Army. 

Some amongst our 140 billion plus populace have decided to selectively choose just the first half and conveniently ignored the second half. So they just revel in spitting without any polishing. So we  spit just about anywhere, everywhere, any time of day or night and any place whatsoever. Almost like the boons granted to the rakshas by our most benevolent of Gods Shiva. For example remember Hiranyakashyapu, he could not die during day or night, inside or outside, on the ground or in the sky, practically granting him the boon to live forever. Till God had to appear as Narsimha to get rid of him finally. The two issues are not related, except that in our case I think we have been cursed with this malady to just spit with no qualms at all. 

So we have the spitters who can win any global event hands down, actually in Titanic the movie Leonardo di Caprio the hero would definitely have been trained by Indians in the fine art of spitting,I wonder if you recall the scene where he teaches Kate Winslet to spit from on board the ship. We can spit from the car, just open the window and let go, laws of motion be damned, as the spit travels to the vehicle trailing yours and is at the receiving end of the bright red liquid which was launched with such gusto that it could have actually been in competition with a cruise missile. That gives me an idea, I think we need to get hold of these champion spitters and train them to be launched for operations across the border,  I am not sure about our Western neighbours, as they may be equally well trained, after all we descend from the same genetic pool, but the Northern neighbours would  probably be submerged under this deluge and immediately surrender. Then we would literally spit out our collective anger, as they say in Hindi,  गुस्सा थूक देना,( gussa thook dena).

This art has been polished over centuries as you may recall, we had the Maharajahs who would have a person carry his spitton everywhere and they would ensure that the spit travels exactly where it is aimed, through the small orifice and get deposited. There was another movie this time from the Bollywood in "Main Hoon Na" where comedian Satish Shah spits uncontrollably while speaking and it is Shahrukh Khan who is at receiving end. 

But it is the gutka industry which needs to be felicitated for their glorious contribution in the growth of this unique quality of ours. They have long overtaken the poor cousin betel(Paan) leaf which was the sole culprit in bygone era. So much so that there were romantic songs on the Paan stains on kurta of the hero,  "मलमल के कुते॔ पर छींट लाल", yesteryears heroine Waheeda Rahman immortalized it in Teesri Kasam.

But alas,  those days of Paan stains are passe now and gutka chewing males haven't really captured any feminine hearts. This spat with the spitters needs to be addressed may be with a spit and handshake between the protagonists and antagonists. Or else, we will need another Avtaar to address this nemesis.