What a Relief

 "What a relief!", it was our comedian Satish Shah's catchphrase or takiya kalam (for those who are more inclined to shudhh desi versions) in one of the episodes of the 80s sitcom "Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi". One of the rare genuine comedy serials of those days. Satish Shah would barge in any where ask to use the restroom, those days it was still referred to as the bathroom and appear after a couple of minutes uttering this catchphrase. That aside, this feeling of immense relief after having successfully accomplished the mission is universal. 

Blessed are those whose bowels respond to their signals and let go irrespective of the hour of the day or night. Then there are those like us who resort to all possible methods to get rid of this unwanted piece of sh** literally, but alas there is very little relief. Ask any person in their seventies and eighties and each one has his own saga which he can narrate in graphic detail, no actually you don't even have to ask them, they will invariably announce it to all and sundry. Remember "Piku" where Amitabh Bachhan plays the role of a perpetually constipated old man obsessed with this activity. Oldies do have an issue but then there are some of us who have faced this struggle all our lives. Even in the Academies and later in life one had to get used to the fact that the stomach needed to be cajoled, persuaded through drinking gallons of water, Yoga or any other means which anyone suggested, after all it did become a problem especially when you have an early morning cross country run and your stomach in total non cooperation mode. Too much water before the run would itself be a problem and a bloated stomach would only exacerbate the torture.

Actually the word for describing this situation is "constipation", but in this day and age, it is more important to sound sophisticated and euphemisms of the kind, "sluggish bowel syndrome" are thrown around. But honestly it is best described by the Urdu word, "Kabz". I am not sure of the etymology of the word but it may have originated from "Kabza", which means occupation. The sh** actually is an unwanted occupant of the stomach and just like other encroachers it just refuses to budge having made it its permanent abode. One has to resort to all the tricks to dislodge it from its firmly entrenched position. Increasing roughage in your diet by adding fruits, vegetables, and salads or various other home remedies normally hardly make a dent. For chronic cases a frontal assault by gorging on more food just aggravates the uneasiness and then the last resort, catch the adversary unawares by adopting the Pathan approach and administering anema  provides  relief. I am convinced the stomach has a brain of its own which decides whether to reward the host body or to punish it. Generally this ailment is afflicted on the middle classes, who are stress prone or the rich, the lower strata of the society indulge in hard physical labour, can eat anything  and are in a state of bliss in this aspect.

Although Allopathy describes constipation only when sh** doesn't happen even thrice in a week, but we Indians are conditioned in such a manner that an early morning ablution is a must. Probably because our ancient systems of medicine Ayurveda and Unani both lay emphasis on the the "Vaat, pitt, kaf", both  'vat' and 'pitt' are found in the stomach. No wonder, we are conditioned to expect this morning ritual to be adhered to. Obviously it's healthy but on an odd occasion if the sh** does take a break, maybe that too is the requirement of the body.

Generally a person suffering from constipation is supposed to be  short tempered and  irritable, apparently even Hitler was a sufferer. You never know if someone had succeeded in curing him, we may not have had the Second World War. It is worth checking out if this Pathan approach would address the concerns of Putin, Zelensky or Xi Jin Ping and make the world  more tolerant and assimilated.