Beg your Pardon

  "I beg your pardon", is this what the prodigal son said to the President , who heard him, despite his increasingly impaired hearing and sure  enough like a good Christian, he forgave him. After all it was Christ who implored upon the Lord "To forgive as they know not what they have done" and as the saying goes "to err is human and to forgive divine". Actually the son probably had just stepped on his Dad's toes and was being courteous for his inadvertent act. But Daddy Dear was just waiting to hear this as they say "Seek and ye shall be given", so it was given. It was always a given, that there is no doubt about, just that it had to formalised. The President elect I am sure will not just follow this illustrious path, but will do one better and grant the President’s pardon to himself. Charity does begin at home!

How I wish Putin had similarly  said these magic  words and the war in Ukraine would be over, even the Ayotallahs of Iran need to take a leaf out of Bible, "....forgive and you will be forgiven". Even Islam being a religion of peace propounds the same. The conflict though could be as to who will forgive whether God Almighty or Allah the Merciful, but bottomline being that a good deed has been done before it was too late. But then singling him out may not be correct, as political leaders the world over have been following this principle when in power and decry this as misuse of power when in opposition. Take the case of our own ED and CBI, they unearth all kinds of misdemeanours on part of the tainted leaders, but miraculously they have a change of heart seek repentance and all is forgiven. Someone somewhere has been benevolent and helped a good cause.They can start with a clean slate once again.

The only sad part is that this benevolence is restrictive and not all encompassing, since times immemorial it was the King's prerogative to grant royal pardon to anyone he felt pleased with. While in an unequal world, this was acceptable, but today we are a democracy and so is the US, the oldest one at that, where everyone is supposedly equal, so all crimes and criminals must also be treated at par. Reminds me of the old Hindi saying, "Andher Nagari Chaupat Raja, take sare bhaji take ser khaja!", which means in a state where the ruler is an idiot, chaos prevails. So as George Orwell's prophetic novel  "Animal Farm" mentions in principle "All men are equal but some are naturally more equal than the others!"

We Indians are quite unforgiving types, see we refused to grant pardon to Ajmal Kasab nor did we forgive Afzal Guru, we are so vindictive that even after more than four decades of Mumbai blasts, we are still seeking Dawood Ibrahim's extradition. After all they were merely indulging in some terror activities which some of their ancestors  have been practising over centuries.  

There is one relationship, where the word forgive is forbidden, no prizes for guessing. Obviously wifey dear, she neither forgets, nor lets you forget any misdeeds intended or unintended, here there is no pardon, just the gallows. I am sure the POTUS is well aware that even this good deed of his can not let him off that hook ever.

Ye Dhuan Sa Kahan Se Uthata Hai

“Ye dhuan sa kahan se uthata hai”, Mehdi Hassan would not be asking this question now, as all fingers will point at our National Capital Delhi. Delhi is on a high these days, come winters and Delhiites need their usual fix, without which they start suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Since last couple of years, the farmers from Punjab-Haryana have been providing their quota, apart from the usual contributors to this cause, the Sulphur  and Carbon Mono Oxide belching vehicles make it a heady cocktail. The outsiders can’t keep up and either scoot or get knocked out, but the true blue blooded, smoked Delhi-wallah relishes it so much that not a soul stirs, they just love it. Now just imagine if there was any other aspect, such as road rage, drunken driving, or simply any fake news about communities Delhi wallah will be on the street demanding a ban, and the city would grind to a halt. 

But this AQI, which sounds like AQ Khan, remember him, the thief, who got Pak nukes, so how can they trust AQI, when the initials are so suspicious. Air Quality Index, firstly what exactly has ‘quality’ got to do with it, we Indians believe in ‘quantity' so more the merrier, if AQI is higher obviously that is better, common sense. Delhi being the capital, must lead from the front, so it is not just the leader but miles ahead of the others in the fray. There is a new term which is being thrown around these days, GRAP, Graded Response Action Plan, there is something amiss here, Delhites are only used to grab(bing) anything and everything, so the P is a misprint, the lower half semicircle was up for grabs and someone stole it, reducing the B to a P. Actually the acronym was GRAB, “Gases Relished and Binged”, but the typo was a parali (party) pooper. 

Hitler was such a novice that he was blamed for the holocaust, he should have been in Delhi to learn the tricks of the trade. All that he needed to do was to employ the target population in these open gas chambers, pay them hefty sums to keep them happy and suspicion free and like the Hindi Film villain Ajit’s iconic dialogue, “Inhe liquid Oxygen mein dal do. liquid inhen jeene nahi dega, Oxygen Marne nahi dega! .” “साँप भी मर  जाते और लाठी भी नहीं टूटती”। For all you know he may have been hailed as the greatest progressive statesman. 

But seriously, with GRAP 4 situation , isn’t it about time that Delhi be placed under a lockdown. We have braved a lockdown during Corona, so we are experienced, we can handle it well. If the Govt can’t do it why can’t the citizens themselves resort to this drastic measure, just take the week off from work, don’t open shops, close down the markets, except essential services such as hospitals, eateries etc just close shop. The honourable Supreme Court takes Suo Moto notice of whole lot of things, if this isn’t an emergency, what is? Why can’t they intervene, because the elected representatives are too busy playing the blame game, the usual suspects are, Parali vs Diwali crackers and so on. 

The problem is essentially of pollution, not just atmospheric, which it most definitely is, but of our minds and brains which too have got polluted. But we can’t blame them, they too have been subjected to the same gaseous torture since almost a decade or more. So no ifs and buts, Odd/Even just Lock Down. Delhites your lives matter, you have nothing to lose but your masks and air purifiers. 

AB KI BAR TRUMP SARKAR

Trump(ets) are back with a bang. After four years in oblivion, this piece of instrument ridiculed for its non stop cacophony,  is once again music to the ears of the Americans, the song being played is "Roses are red and Violets are blue, Don is red and Kamla is blue". The mood is blue in the Kamala camp as there was just no 'kamaal' no ‘sur' no ‘taal' just some 'dhamaal'. The Kamla ‘Na Pasand' is the flavour now. Sound  travels in sinusoidal waves is a well known fact, which has its crests and troughs, so true to its character, this music has been up, down and up again. The band MAGA is going gaga, to the horror of the original Lady Gaga. With Trump(ets) making a grand comeback, typically the other pieces of ensemble have gone into a sulk, as Trumpets rule the choir to the chagrin of the rest. When they are blown, others simply submit and play second fiddle. Drums have become subdued, violins are high strung, pianos are off key, trombones  have lost their scale. They have been in a sombre melancholy mood and are already considering moving in for the Cadenza (handing over to the soloist, when the band stops playing).

Game of thrones has given way to the good old game of cards, where the deck has trumped all the rest, making it a spectacular rubber (Bridge). ‘No Trumps’ bid has been sent packing. The Reds are pleased as punch on this turnaround of fortunes, they played it by the ear literally as it was the ear which bore the brunt of the wannabe assassin's bullet.  Taking a cue from his namesake, Donald has once again staked a claim to the Disney throne of toons with support from his Uncle Scrooge, sending Mickey, Goofy and their ilk running for cover. Big Macs from McDonald have heaved a huge sigh of relief and all the big guns are polishing up for the Guard of Honour. Elon Musk  has effectively put to use the great  Indian Bun Musk(a) trick and  is revelling in the unabashed buttering. With Vance and Usha in tow US awaits  a bright morning ahead keeping the Indian connection with the VEEP in tact. The pets too are celebrating as they no longer need to dread being reduced to the cut de sac of the food chain.  

 With due apologies to Lord Byron,“Don Juan, wrapp'd in victorious elation, sauntered on the elevated stage, …………resurrection awaits it, each new meeting or election.” Indians are blowing their conch shells, hoping that the war ravaged world will get some sanity and respite and the ‘deep state’  may even be put to deep sleep. ABKI BAR TRUMP SARKAR!!

OUT OF THE BOX THINKING

 

In the Armed Forces, the senior hierarchy normally exhorts the youngsters to indulge in “Out of the box thinking”. The irony of this sermon is that most of them themselves have been treading the beaten path, as that is safe and secure. Any deviations and you are treading in a dangerous zone, where a failure may end up in premature culmination of a promising professional career.  As they say ‘better to be safe than sorry’, so no unnecessary risks is the mantra for success. 

But ‘nothing ventured nothing gained’ and while sticking to the laid down SOPs are ok for peace time activities, operations are a different ball game altogether. No operational plan survives the first bullet being fired. All contingency planning comes to a nought, as the adversary surprises you with an altogether different approach. This creative ‘out of the box’ thinking is absolutely essential for mere survival in counter insurgency operations, one has to think like the terrorist to be able to defeat him. 

I am sure all of us are seized of this dictum, but the million dollar question remains as to how do we inculcate this in the youngsters. First and foremost, our system of assessment for professional courses and exams needs a de novo look. I will illustrate this with a simple example, I was preparing for Staff College Entrance Exam along with a friend who is from the Special Forces during our Pre-Staff Course. We were attempting a Cordon and Search appreciation as a practice test, while I followed the script, he followed what he actually did during the operations. During the discussions I tried explaining to him the need to stick to the script, but he felt otherwise. As luck would have it, our Tactics “B” paper had us attempting a Cordon & Search operation itself and sure enough, I qualified, while he couldn’t. 

Same story is repeated during the War games, Operational Alert exercises etc, Red or Yellow Land always ends up losing it, even if their Commander had a better plan. Aim being that wrong lesson of Blue Land succumbing should not be taken home, but I think it is actually counter productive as the whole thing is stage managed and ingenuity or innovative thinking is given a short shrift. 

To be able to think differently, one has to be creative and of a fertile imagination, only then one can conceive “Out of the box” plans and this must be practised and encouraged during peace time activities. If all our lives, we haven’t done it, we can’t suddenly become a Guderian, Rommel  or Zorawar during war. Creativity has to be nurtured and leaders need to be given this opportunity to indulge in these activities on a day to day basis. To be able to act out of the box, one has to first think out of the box, but our thinking process has become so straightjacketed with years of regimentation that this knot needs a deliberate effort to disentangle.

Encourage creativity by motivating the young officers to pursue a hobby, writing, painting, music, photography, dance, anything at all, but this aspect needs to be addressed as a vital trait of character and should be commented upon by the officers in chain of command. Originality has become a rare commodity, especially in this era of Artificial Intelligence where Chatgpt rules the roost. By no stretch of imagination am I advocating that creative pursuits be  the only criteria for judging an individual, but unless he or she finds that it has a productive value, it will not be an honest effort. Our question papers in Promotion exams should also not be rote based, but rely on ground knowledge acquired in the units. Similarly our thesis during Higher Command and NDC must focus on challenging topics which are not the usual run of the mill topics which have been thrashed out a million times already with nothing substantial emerging as an output. Articles in the magazines published by our think tanks are also not meeting international standards. May be making military history campaigns and biographies an yearly effort for all officers will nudge them towards professional reading, as even that aspect is highly neglected. 

Since we are highly regimented, we have ourselves created the proverbial box, we follow drills, procedures, SOPs thus remaining in the box. To set ourselves free and break these shackles we need an outlet where we don’t get stuck, that is where these creative pursuits will help. We also need to get rid of this tyranny of ranks, mere seniority in rank does not anoint anyone as the ultimate knower of the truth. The urge to be a “Yes” man stems from this very fact, wisdom and seniority are not always complementary. Professional respect is earned by your deeds and reputation in the organisation and not by your rank per se. So youngsters shun this timidity and bash on regardless, be original, be creative, because that will breed excellence. 

INFANTRY : THE QUEEN OF THE BATTLE

 Today is Infantry Day, now isn’t that funny? Why do I find it funny or should I say ironic, well, isn’t everyday of the year the Infantarian’s day! Infantry, the Queen of the battle, is at work, 24 x 7 for 365 days without a break, be it war, peace or what we in the Army refer to as NWNP (“No War No Peace”). Be it Kashmir, the North East, Ladakh, Disaster Management or United Nations Peacekeeping, as though they don’t have enough on their hands already. They are the Atlases of our Armed Forces who take on the load of the Globe without any unnecessary bravado. “When it was victory, the cavalier claimed it outright, the gunner boasted of his calibre, the sapper and the signaller publicised their worth, but the infantryman stood silent with victory at his feet”.

Despite the world having progressed by leaps and bounds in terms of technology and the evolution or revolution of warfare into a highly technical arena, ultimately it is the “boots on the ground” which decide the victor or the vanquished. An infantry soldier is the epitome of courage and fortitude against all odds, he stands like a colossus be it Maj Somnath Sharma with his arm in a sling, conveying in no uncertain terms his resolve not to withdraw an inch against heavy odds and laying down his life protecting the Kashmir Valley from the marauders, or Maj Shaitan Singh and his Kumaonis in Chushul, who defied waves after waves of Chinese before laying down their lives. Battle of Saragarhi, the story of unmatched valour of 21 Sikh soldiers is etched in the annals of history, winning accolades from even the Britishers in their parliament even in the heydays of colonial Raj. Subedar Joginder Singh in NEFA, Abdul Hamid in the Khemkaran Sector in 1965 Indo-Pak war, Maj Hoshiar Singh in Jarpal in 1971 war, Subedar Major Bana in Siachen or Col Babu and his brave Biharis who gave a bloody nose to the Chinese in Galwan in 2020, the infantry has always delivered the knockout punch. If I start describing just the actions of gallantry awardees alone, I will run out of words in my limited vocabulary, so suffice to say that these men are a class apart, each one a king, he is self sufficient in every sense of the word. With his weapon, he is a deadly foe, ask any adversary, the infantry has its own “topkhana”, the mortars, they have their sappers, the “pioneers”, their signallers with their radio sets so they can independently, by themselves go into battle. That does not mean the others are mere appendages, each one plays a part but without the infantry, the armour or the artillery or the sappers by themselves can’t do what the infantry can. Like the "Queen" in the game of Chess, Infantry can go just about anywhere and everywhere, hence the moniker. No wonder they are the "Ultimate".

The Armed Forces or for that matter, everything else in the world revolves around certain symbols, like our ‘Tricolour’ or the ‘Ashoka Pillar’, similarly Infantry Day is being commemorated on 27 Oct 1947,  the day the first Sikh troops  landed in Kashmir Valley. Others celebrate their raising day, Infantry has always been there since times immemorial, so there can be no raising day, Battle Honours.. well every instance where they have gone into battle is an honour which they earned and richly deserved. Like the motto of the mighty Rajputana Rifles, “Veer Bhogya Vasundhara” (Only the braves inherit the earth!). We salute our brethren, our comrades in arms on this day.

Newspaper Vs Ad Flyer

The morning cuppa and newspaper are like the proverbial twins, just one of them on the table leaves you craving for the other. Old habits die hard, we grew up watching our fathers doing the same and we just sort of followed the tradition. I am speaking for our generation who were born in the sixties or earlier, may be some of the 70s generation too would be similarly placed. The millennials entered into the complex web of internet world and jettisoned such distractions altogether, tea gave way to coffee and the mobile replaced the newspaper. But this blog is not about nostalgia, as we still get our newspaper in the mornings and relish it,  only change being that it is with 'hibiscus' tea now. What I miss though are the front page headlines screaming at you giving you the gist at just a glance. The front pages have now been usurped by the advertisements and although some of them are quite captivating with beautiful damsels on the cover laden with exquisite branded jewellery, but alas, news content is hidden underneath. It is no longer a newspaper but just another flyer containing promotions and endorsements of various brands.

Now I know some of you will call me a spoilsport as setting your eyes on a pretty face early in the morning naturally augurs well for the day ahead, especially with the headlines containing gory details of the heinous crimes committed all over our huge subcontinent of a nation of 140 crores and counting. True to some extent, no doubt, after all I am not a sadist and don't enjoy the miseries of others, but the point which my friends may be missing out is the danger to their precarious finances being posed with the alluring ads for all kinds of jewellery and other such highly desirable articles to entice the mistresses of the house. Ladies, mind you are immediately gravitate towards any such object like bees on a flower, and then what follows does not need any description as that is then "ghar ghar ki kahani". That is not the only grouse of mine, we were used to a newspaper with ads to support the revenue, as we understood the business model for the print houses. Today the whole thing has been turned on its head, with ads actually being the content and news forming just an appendage almost like the appendix, a vestigial organ. The readers may recall the good old radio programme 'Vividh Bharti' on All India radio and how we enjoyed listening to lilting music without any interruptions for a commercial break. Today we have to suffer a plethora of  FM radio channels, which actually peddle just products with breaks for songs. Thankfully Vividh Bharti is still running and if you want to switch from the cacophony being aired by the FM channels,  you may try switching to it, it will bring you some solace. 

The Times of India types obviously miss the "common man" of the genius that was RK Laxman, his wit was incomparable and left us demanding more always. The other thing that I miss in the journals are the once ubiquitous "middles", which brought a smile on our faces amidst all the serious happenings in and around the world. So much so that I have resorted to writing these myself in an effort to keep at least some of you amused with my amateur efforts. So here goes....

Keep on Running

NK just completed the Chicago Marathon, late Jogi Chandana ran all the way from Gateway of India to India Gate a couple of years ago, these guys are in their 50s when others like us have already decided that just ambling around for a leisurely stroll on the promenade is good enough for our daily regimen of exercise. The rest of the day is spent putting the thumb to good use on the mobile, the part of the body which has suddenly acquired a different kind of halo around it. Thank God that during the Mahabharata times there were no mobiles else Dear Eklavya survived without archery but he definitely would have succumbed without the mobile swiping. Today I have to ignore the other limbs and focus on the exploits of the lower limb only. 

Ever since we learned to walk, most of us started to run around first in circles and then running circles around the rest. But serious kind of running commenced when I joined RIMC  Dehradun as an eleven year old and was taken for the introductory run to Tapkeshwar Temple (Droplets of water fall on the Shivling here in the cave, hence the name). Later we graduated to running upto Forest Research Institute and back. Being a shammer, I was not amongst the front runners, always an "also ran" pun intended.  I could never understand why do people run as an exercise, when there are better methods for keeping fit I mean you could play a game of Football, Hockey, Basket Ball or any racquet game. Running was so monotonous, just 'keep on running' inspired by Spencer David's song may be. I would rather go and play a game than run cross country any day. But then the Training Academies have their own method to bring the shammers to heel and our worthy seniors do the rest. So post lunch the Cross Country Captain (CCC) of the squadron charts out a route for practice run, which is meant to pay homilies to the virtues of the peaks and troughs of Khadakwasla such as Ralle-Rasi, Karpa, 2475, Pashan-Periphery, 7 milestone and Sinhgarh to name a few. These CCCs are in a different league from the other appointments in the academy viz the ACC, BCC etc, as they are generally self appointed who derive pleasure in the misery of the 'also ran' types, who would rather take a much needed post lunch siesta than spend the precious time exploring the geographical features. Just to bring some solace I think the stragglers must have assigned interesting names to these features which resembled anatomy of the feminine gender, I wonder whether these days these features have been rechristened with gender sensitivity being more of a norm. 

Anyway we had no option but to run along and in the words of DCC Francis Kurgat, the man mountain from Kenya, whose tip for the final cross country was to keep it simple, just sprint in the Glider Dome, to get ahead of the pack of 1500 cadets, not realising that for most of us this Dome itself spelt our 'Doom'. Then he exhorted us to just not let anyone overtake us till we reached the R Hill where most of us just walked up as we were literally a spent force by then. R Hill has been abbreviated by design as (samajhane wale samajh gaye jo na samjhe wo anadi hain), this feature separated the men from the boys, the infantry from the armour, a formidable military obstacle, where we walked and the medallists and first enclosure types ran. Thereafter it was downhill so just let yourself go and you will find yourself amongst the medallists. There were a few from other squadrons including my course-mates,  Ravi Murugan, Babu Francis, Paul Bastine, Reddy, Awadhesh Bharti who paid heed and did their squadron and our course proud. Incidentally I was lucky to participate in the inaugural Pune marathon in 1984, so despite my credentials of being a shammer,  or may be because of that I was nominated to run this event. Of course I have stayed away from any such temptation thereafter. Some of our foreign trainees would remark tongue in cheek that if they ran cross country they will literally cross their country itself. Alas we could not seek refuge under this excuse.

At IMA, we had to run the 10 mile in battle gear, which most of us made it in excellent time. Army ensured we remained fit through the time tested Battle Physical Efficiency Test (BPET), Physical Proficiency Test (PPT), the latter being applicable till we attained 50 years of age. Surprisingly the guys who are running international marathons these days like my friend NK, Upadhye and late Jogi  did not figure amongst the medallists in the academy. I often tell them, if they had run well then, they would not need to make amends now. That of course is in lighter vein, actually we all are extremely proud of their stupendous fitness and achievements, while many of us are actually struggling  just to be able to jog. I am eagerly waiting to recover from my achilles tendon injury to be able to get back to the occasional short jogs, which I miss dearly. So keep on running guys..