What a Bum!!

Dumb and Dumber was a 1994 Hollywood comedy starring Jim Carrey which many of us would recall, the Bum episode reminded me of the movie. The Bum and the Bummer or should I say Bumper, as, to my surprise I discovered that Bummer is a brand of couple inner-wear, which may again be offensive to some. Bumper on the contrary can be used as a noun, adjective or even a verb; we are familiar with the metal or plastic guard which protects the engine of our automobiles commonly known as the bumper; bumper harvest is another common usage as an adjective. Be that as it may, this isn't about English grammar. It relates to the Bum of the Bum, an exposed one at that, in the buff which stirred a hornet's nest. Yes now you get it, the Gully Boy had done the unthinkable gone ahead and exposed himself, well what did you expect from the urchin, after all in the slum lanes, such exposures are not frowned upon, in fact the derriere is often the target of many a kicks thrown around. The rump is the subject of discussion here, which is an object of admiration and desire for the hedonists. Without getting much into anatomical details and the personal preferences, suffice to say that nudity is somehow not palatable to Victorian prudence which we as a nation have adopted as our own. 

Nudity is natural, we were all born that way, that we clothed ourselves was courtesy the Original sin, which is the Biblical theory. Indians did not have any such qualms, we celebrated nudity admired it as an art form and even sculpted it in our temples. We are not ashamed of our bodies, they are as they are, natural without any silicones or tattoos, just the way we are. I wonder whether I was born in this state of Nirvana, which we all were, or whether it was NDA, the original National Defence Academy which was instrumental in driving it home. In the Armed Forces an alumni of NDA is known as "Nanga" or the "unclothed one", the reason for this epithet is that while in Academy, we bathe stark naked in the bathrooms, the uninitiated would say so does everyone in the privacy of their personal ones at home. There is a slight difference here, ours were the common bathrooms, with no shower curtains or partitions of any kind. We disrobed and stepped into the shower without much ado and did our job and carried on. I am sure the bums would have been looked at, may be even ogled at, but by and large as all were supposedly straight males, nobody gave a damn. It may surprise those who are not from the Services background that while in the shower, we would sing, practise our words of command for the Drill square or simply chat up with the neighbour in the shower. Some others would  be indulging in their weekly laundry, while some would just wait their turn. Shedding our clothes ceased to be an issue thereafter. People on the Railway Stations were scandalised, when Cadets would indulge in fun and frolic on the Platforms just opening the Hose pipe meant for the Railways and taking a royal shower, obviously sans a stitch of cloth on them during the NDA Special Train rides back home on vacations. During Summers a second class coach can be rather stuffy and a bath is looked forward to and  welcomed. Actually the Armed Forces personnel invariably get over such issues as they put their very lives at stake, clothed or naked, it is obviously more important to be alive.

But the question which begs an answer obviously is friend Ranveer is not a Nanga, then why has he decided to be bold and unabashed. He is a bankable star, his movies, his relationship with Dipika, his outrageous anchoring of Award shows and the ads, as it is keep him in limelight. He appears to be normal, then why does he have to do a Protima Bedi? Some of you may recall she ran naked on Juhu beach in the early seventies and scandalised the nation in an era without any social media. Her escapade had gone viral with every tabloid covering the juicy gossip. We have had Amir Khan do a PK and Milind Soman-Madhu Sapre covering themselves with a python in an advertisement for some brand of shoes. 

Was this sin  in pursuit of art? May be, he is mighty pleased with his bod and just wanted to show off. He is obviously bumming along, or bumbling along….What a bum….!!!!

Black is Beautiful

It's 13th Jun again today, 35 years done and dusted. The OG that we got wedded to 35 years ago, has acquired a skin like affinity to our bodies and soul. Sans uniform, we feel naked somehow. We are aware that soon it shall be time for us to grow out of this acquired skin, a couple of days, months or for some fortunate ones a few years more, but finally we shall have to bid adieu, howsoever painful it may be. Having turned 35 in this metamorphosed life, yes we were actually metamorphosed from what we were back then, lanky awkward youth hailing from disparate regions, speaking all possible languages enshrined in the constitution and some dialects well …we might as well let the sleeping dogs lie.. 

Actually for some of us who decided to adorn the uniform even earlier, the RIMC Sainik School, Military School types it's been more than four decades, 44 to be precise.  The glamour of uniform is universal and cuts across geographical barriers. Obviously we stand out in a crowd, the brass on the shoulders adds to the persona and the medal ribands add distinct colour, the gait and upright stance does the rest. It's a package gifted to us by our venerable Drill Ustaads, all the digging in the drill squares ensured that we can't be seen slouching anywhere under any circumstances. 

Why this sudden affinity for uniform today, well I was in a Civil hospital this morning prior to going to the office and was obviously attired in the dress of the day,  not only was I greeted by most of the people but the respect which was visible in their eyes filled me with a justifiable pride in the rich and glorious traditions of our Armed Forces. Despite all the efforts by vested interests, this pillar of the country stands firm in its commitment to the national cause. That is the reason why we can stand tall in any society, paraphrasing with due apologies to Cliff Richard 

"When I was just a little baby, I didn't have many toys

But my mama used to say, "Son,You got more than other boys

Now you may not be good looking, And you may not be too rich

But you'll never, ever be alone 'Cause you've got uniform"

Today it is Black, which of course is Beautiful, more glamorous and attractive than the rather serious Olive Greens, be it the Combats or the disruptive pattern of uniform which we adopted from the good old Olive Green dungarees essentially to improve operational combat efficiency in Counter Insurgency and Counter Terror operations or its various other avatars, the love affair just keeps growing. In the Armed Forces we have taken our fetish for the uniforms to a different level altogether, so we have the summer and winter uniforms and we have ceremonial uniforms for both in addition, and then we have the Mess dresses, which though attractive may make even peacocks envious of the colours that we bestow on ourselves. We inherited these from the British Army and have stuck to them in the name of traditions… with Wellington Spurs to boot literally! When Mess dresses are written about can Dinner Nights be far behind! Dinner Nights are yet again another one of those traditions which have probably outlived their utility. I know some of us old fogies would get emotional and may even shed copious amount of tears even at the mention of deteriorating Dinner Night standards. But in the digital century, these archaic traditions ought to given a deserving ceremonial burial.

Even at the cost of being cliched, Army is not just a career or another profession it’s a way of life, it’s actually Life energy for most of us, our raison d’etre!! Cheers!!

Major Victory in a Minor Game

Thomas Cup Champions! Indian shuttlers have created history, whitewashing the fourteen times Champion Indonesia 3-0 in a thrilling final. Is this the 1983 Cricket World Cup moment for Badminton? Badminton has unfortunately been the poor cousin of Tennis, a sport, which has a much larger following and with that comes the moolah. In India, we are a Cricket obsessed nation with all the other sports being 'also rans'. It may come as surprise to most of us that a short statured Nandu Natekar is amongst the "Greats of Thomas Cup", he was the first Indian to reach Quarter Finals in All England Badminton Championship and also the first to win International Tournament in 1956. Badminton caught our imagination when Prakash Padukone brought home the All England Champions Cup for the first time in India and went on to be World Number One. Today's generation would probably recognise him as actor Deepika Padukone's father. Syed Modi was close on his heels and won the Commonwealth Gold Medal in 1982, however he was murdered under mysterious circumstances in 1988.  But it was Pulella Gopichand who transformed the face of Indian Badminton with a single minded devotion to the sport. His principled stand in refusing to endorse a soft drink brand post his All England win won him many admirers, this author being one of them. His Badminton Academy has been like a factory regularly producing champions as though in an assembly line, be it Saina Nehwal, PV Sindhu, Kidambi Srikanth, Sai Praneeth, P Kashyap and so on. In fact, a major part of the credit for today's Thomas Cup success is also due to Gopichand, as he is the Chief Coach.

So that in nutshell is the story of Indian Badminton, but point to ponder is why is Badminton given a step motherly treatment in comparison to Cricket ? One may say it's a case of comparing apples and oranges, as one is a "Team" sport, the other is an individual one, but even amongst the "Individual" sports like Tennis, it is not considered glamorous enough. While Cricket was considered a gentleman's game, yes "considered", as it hardly is gentlemanly any longer. The concept of gentlemanly game was clearly a hangover from the colonial days of the Raj, when the Sahibs would amble onto the Cricket field by around 10 am in the morning and amuse themselves for an hour before taking a 15 minutes drinks break which will be followed by similar pretensions, where two or three of the 15 on field personnel are active at any one time. A sumptuous lunch break beckons, followed by similar fooling around when the Chhota Hazari would be presented for the Tea break and then after the last about an hour of the same, call it a day. The same activity was to be repeated over leisurely five days. In contrast a game of Hockey would be finished in just one session of Cricket, precisely 70 minutes of hectic activity. Be that as it may, my hunch is that sports where the West continued its dominance, received support from the media houses thus increasing its reach and popularity, Tennis, Soccer, Rugby and Basket Ball for example; the ones where the Orientals dominated had to rest content with the left over spoils, Badminton, Hockey, Table Tennis etc. Cricket was an exception as it was the Indian lucre which drives the popularity and status as a rich sport. 

 The Army has its own hierarchy of sports, it was obsessed with gender branding of sports, Badminton, Table Tennis were the preserve of the ladies, while troop games such as Hockey, Football, Volleyball, Basket Ball where troops participated in the sport with the officers were obviously preferred. Intermingling with the men on the sports field was a time tested formula for winning their trust and earning their respect. Tennis, Squash were considered officer like sports, but Badminton, TT were not so lucky. I am hopeful that this stupendous achievement is the harbinger for better days for the minor games and sports as they are referred to in the Army parlance. If it is some consolation to the enthusiasts, even Cricket is a Minor one with Soccer, Hockey, Boxing, Athletics being the major ones.

Devolution

What makes  50 pluses behave like 15 year olds wannabe, travel miles ?  Well; just a call from their course mates... to be with their brothers in arms, arm in arm, just like the good old days, reliving them, guffawing without any perceptible reason, pulling each other's legs over their appearances, balding pates, expanding girths and generally just messing around. A motley crowd of almost 70 odd Cadets with their rather mature, elegant, graceful better halves, who have adopted these juveniles, got together for one such function on the 30th April in Delhi. 

No it wasn't anyone's wedding, nor was it the usual commissioning day celebration, it was just another weekend and a clarion call by the one and only 'Bob the Bakshi' I was reminded of Stevie Wonder’s “I just called to say”, a rage during our NDA days.

“No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring, no song to sing
In fact, here's just another ordinary day”

Guys travelled from as far as Vijaywada, Secunderabad, Chandigarh, Pune, Dehradun just to be there and be a part of this fun and frolic. Most have since re-attired, only some of us continue to adorn them, some have recently become grand parents, some are also 'in-laws' but when it comes to these occasions, we are the same wide eyed 16 year olds dreamers. Although most of us have lived our dreams and nightmares in the three decades plus... Wellington, Kashmir, Kargil, North East, United Nations peacekeeping, Belgaum, Mhow, Deolali, Pune  and so on.....

We live “in moments”, although philosophers would want you to live “for the moment”, which is a tough one, but it is these moments of divine pleasure which we live and die for. The bond is a strange one, we spar endlessly on what’s app on political, religious, strategic or any other nonsensical issues, throw tantrums, but face to face, all that is forgotten, it is just backslapping bon-homie!  16 year old is a very impressionable age, the bonds forged then, last lifelong. I often wonder whether this bond is due to the ragda that we withstood together, the Sinhgarhs, punishment Periphery runs, midnight bathroom sessions, Camps or was it just the time spent together for those vital three years where we got to know each other better than our parents or siblings or even spouses. Actually deep down we know when the chips are down, he will cover my back and that is the inherent strength. I dare say we were indeed fortunate and blessed to have led such an eventful and colourful lives.

Amidst all the merrymaking there are interesting tidbits which we pick up like the exploitation of technology in extraction of sandalwood oil, or that sandalwood is available in abundance in the jungles of Madhya Pradesh, I am sure you all guessed Karnataka! After all the notorious Veerappan made his living in the dreaded forests in that very belt. Someone was waxing eloquent on Realism versus liberalism, someone had taken to evangelism and some had turned spiritual without the need for any spirit, but all of us had one thing in common, espirit-de-corps!! Most of the serving varieties were busy listening to the stories of their friends who had taken the plunge rather early and joined the civilian world, the retirees were enjoying their second innings with talks veering around the types of cars and a certain "Bright Red Thar" which had captured the imagination of not just the course-mates but also of many damsels. We had our very own Cavalier regaling us with his country music, the Travoltas had the dance floor to themselves! All this while the ladies watched rather bemused at our devolution (Devolution, de-evolution, or backward evolution (not to be confused with dysgenics) is the notion that species can revert to supposedly more primitive forms over time.) Our antics were proof enough.

Shadi Ka Laddoo

 The world rejoices when a child is born and mourns when a person dies, in both the cases the person concerned is oblivious to the happenings. In the case of marriages, people celebrate, so do the bride and groom, once again oblivious of the consequences. Most normal people decide to tie the knot at least once, barring of course Bhishma Pitamah and Salman Bhai. Then there are brave dare devils who sometimes indulge themselves more than once, ignoring the adage, ‘once bitten twice shy’! Elizabeth Taylor, probably hold a record of sorts for walking the aisle on eight occasions, twice with the same person. Though for the records it was Mr Glynn Wolfe who did it 31 times and holds the Guinness Record for most monogamous marriages. Islam as a religion permits a man to marry four wives, may be that is the genesis of the all the troubles. After all if you have four such occasions looming large may be you would be prepared to be a fedayeen.

As they say in Hindi, “Shadi ka laddoo, jo khaye wo pachhtaye, jo na khaye wo bhi pachhtaye”, translated as “Damned if you marry or damned if you don’t either ways”. Why these marital blues all of a sudden, after more than three decades of martial bliss, the marital has purposely been spelt as martial. The position of the all powerful “I” makes no difference really, as both are essential martial in nature, just the adversary changes from outside to within the four walls. This slight of hand or spellings is just to confuse you. Well actually it was about time for my son to take the plunge, after three decades of bliss, time to atone for the sins had finally arrived. The interesting part was it was of his own volition, so we happily let him do it. After all it is better to experience it, even Socrates said, “By all means get married, if you get a good wife, you will be happy If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher!” 

Be that as it may, all of us were overjoyed when our son, Abhijat decided to tie the nuptial knot with Ishita. He has been happy and blissful for three decades of his existence on this planet, travelling and exploring the world; he was prepared to embark on yet another adventurous trip for the rest of his life.

A veteran of organising many events, Raising Days, Reunions, I was confident I will be able to handle this little marriage business in a similar fashion. Little did we know that organising a marriage is a different cup of tea altogether. Here you are the commander, the staff, and the troops who has to plan, manage the finances, deal with the hoteliers, negotiate with your own family on budgetary constraints and then set about  preparing the guest list and finally execute it. Preparing the Guest List was a tough one as to whom to include and whom to exclude, after all, in the forty four years since I left home to join RIMC, one has made friends with hundreds, all course mates, RIMC,NDA,IMA, Young Officers course,Degree Engineering, Staff College, Higher Command, neighbours, colleagues. The guest list obviously has to include friends of my better half, kids, parents and siblings. After stepping on some toes and even at the cost of annoying a few, we decided to go public with this auspicious news and posted it on all the whats app groups that one was a member of. The choice of the venue for the wedding was a difficult one as the bride’s side had to be convinced that despite our current place of residence being Delhi, we had to perform the ceremonies at Indore, where our parents and the extended family resided. A marriage without the blessing of the elders in India is just another party. They very graciously agreed and after the event, they were convinced seeing the enthusiastic participation by the elders in the family.

Finally almost hundred out station guests graced the occasion, with Rimcollian and NDA buddies topping the list, in fact my friends were present in larger numbers than Abhijat’s friends.  As though in a show of solidarity, they wanted to make sure that there was adequate support at hand. A fact that I can be justifiably proud of. Although Abhijat’s guests included his friends from France, where he spent about a year and a half pursuing his research in Computer Science. They participated in all the activities very enthusiastically and were with us for a full week.

The marriage was solemnised in a befitting manner with the chanting of mantras, the bride and grooms shook hands as part of the “Lagna”, followed by the saptpadi, the proverbial seven steps of commitment for a lifelong companionship and kanyadaan, an act which has no parallels in any other culture where the bride’s father gives away the girl to the groom and is considered the epitome of charitable acts! 

After all the backslapping and merrymaking we discovered that we had been anointed as “In Laws” . In Laws, much maligned by Hindi movies,  by their very stature and acts are supposed to be obnoxious people who indulge in poking their nose in the affairs of the couple and making lives of the bride specially miserable. We would like to be the outliers then….be just parents!!!

All the World is A Stage

Cheer Up Will Smith! you have joined legends such as Dileep Kumar and Marlon Brando, the Don Corleone, by virtue of that slap, yes the same which will echo in the Academy Awards for generations. I wonder if Will Smith had watched Dileep Kumar, the Indian thespian slap Dr Dang the character played by Anupam Kher in "Karma" presuming he would have watched "Godfather" for sure, for inspiration. Chris Rock doesn't seem to a fan of Bhai, else his repartee would have gone something like, "Man I am not scared of a mere slap, its the love which scares the sh*t out of me!" That is how Sonakshi the “Dabang" girl responded to Bhai Salman Khan.

Imagine walking up to the host slapping him hard in on stage on a live TV event. The amazing part was not just getting away with it but actually earning a standing ovation for his award in just a short while after this event. But dance drama are a par for the course, just an essential part of the “theatre of absurd” which is played out day in and day out by their characters. The reel life starts to imitate the real life sooner or later. But well the slaps are not restricted to the entertainment industry alone, the other major actors in life, yes, you guessed it, the politicians too have been at the receiving end at times with friend Mr Arvind Kejriwal topping the list. Our Turbanator Bhajji, Harbhajan too belongs to this illustrious league, some of you would recall his resounding slap on Sreesanth in IPL 2008. 

In India, slaps were a regular feature in the households, in fact we were so used to it that a day without one was a blue moon event, a rarity, with any and everyone exercising their birthright, so if it was not the parents, it could be elder siblings, teachers, bullies in the class, seniors in the academies, just about anyone. Getting physical had nothing in common with physics and it even defied the Newton's third law,"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction", I am sure some of us can still recall that bit of Physics. These slaps did not elicit any reaction at all, just some expletives muttered under our breath, but equal and opposite no way! 

Controversy pays; and it pays big time. Dr Thomas Roulet of Cambridge Judge Business School in his new book "The Power of Being Divisive: Understanding Negative Social Evaluations"  outlines how generating negative feedback can be beneficial. Kejriwal or Bhajji have both benefitted from these no doubt. Any publicity, positive or negative is good for marketing, as any Marketing Guru will agree.  In fact, many of us fondly recall the Devil in the Onida TV commercials of yester years. Chris Rock reportedly had   houseful stand up shows , so the million dollar question is, could it have been staged??All is fair in love and war!

A Hundred Years

100 years is a long time in the history of our young republic, but just a speck in the annals of our ancient civilisation. Human beings rarely live that long, so for almost all of us this was once in a lifetime opportunity to be a part of the grand celebrations. Rashtriya Indian Military College or RIMC for short turned 100 this 13th March, exactly a hundred years ago. Under the yoke of British colonialism, the British raised this institution on the lines of their Public schools as a feeder institution to their military academies. Obviously it was not out of any benevolence towards the natives, but this historic event had major ramifications in the history of Indian independence itself. 

Consequent to the glorious part played by British Indian Army in World War I, it was realised that Indians had to be inducted to officer their own Army. Although the first Indian ICS Officer Mr SatyendraNath Tagore joined as early as 1864, it took another half a century for the first batch of King's Commissioned Indian Officers to make forays in the Armed Forces. Field Marshal KM Cariappa, OBE was one amongst those. Ironically the first batch of officers who were sent to Sandhurst for pre commission training did not have very good results with only 15 of the 25 making the cut.  The advent of RIMC was a direct consequence of this and no less than the Prince of Wales, Prince Edward himself was here to inaugurate the College. Probably the blows part  was taken literally from his oft quoted speech regarding "the first few blows on the anvil of life which shaped human destiny....";  and ever since then we have been at the receiving end of blows, so much so we have just been blown over! But I dare say all those blows did work in transforming young gawky lads into some great leaders over the years.  Six Chiefs of services, Army Commanders and equivalents galore, galaxy of stars, Ambassadors, Governors, bureaucrats, mountaineers and some even in politics, from amongst a total of less than 5000 Cadets in the last century is no mean achievement. 

Gen VN Sharma, former COAS, nonagenarian, an epitome of grace and dignity, dwelled on these blows in his pep talk after the Boxing Finals. His pearls of wisdom on the blood and guts to tackle bullies in life echoed cutting across generations of Rimcollians.  On the next day, as the senior most Rimcollian present he marched smartly accompanied by the stick orderlies on to the War Memorial for the customary Wreath Laying, where his elder brother and India's first PVC Maj Somnath Sharma's name is also etched for his gallant action and supreme sacrifice while saving the Kashmir Valley in 1948. 

The Centenary Function was kickstarted by a soul stirring speech by the Chief Guest, His Excellency, the Governor of Uttarakhand, Lt Gen Gurmit Singh (Retd). He was lavish in his praise of the contribution of Rimcollians in nation building in general and the Armed Forces in particular.  The most awaited moment of all Reunions at RIMC is the "Mother of All" competitions, Inter Section Boxing Championship. In the evening, all the Rimcollians with their better halves in tow were seated alongside the cadets cheering for their respective sections. Every bout is a matter of life and death, the young cadets spar inside the ring, outside it is the Old Boys lustily cheering for them. It is a sight which has to be seen to be believed. The Centenary year belonged to the youngest section of the College, Chandraguptians stole a march over their compatriots by punching their way to glory and bagging the most coveted trophy. For us old timers, it was quite a surprise as during our times our section was more academically oriented, where most of the Medhavis (Class Toppers) would be Chandraguptians. The Centenary Boxing Championship win will be part of folk lore for future generations. 

Incidentally College reminds me of the many adventures that we bravely endured, in NDA and even later in the early years of service, there were times when some seniors would provoke us by calling RIMC a school like all the others. We just could not digest this downgrading of the status and contested, insisting that ours was a "College". After all the name itself was RIM College, so how could it be a school? All these fracas naturally resulted in the routine, "Get rolling!" A unique command which the cadets respond to in a reflex action by executing these continuous front rolls wherever they are in whichever attire they are; hopefully things are more of the same. These sessions did not dampen our spirits and we were always ready to take up cudgels on behalf of the status of the College always.

In a lighter vein,   it was the 'never say die' spirit of Rimcollians that forced even Corona to beat a retreat.  Getting back to the Centenary Event, the three days flew past, we were everywhere, in the Cricket and Hockey fields, Squash and Basket Ball courts matching our rusty skills with the Cadets; the Old Boys Teams were led by Young Octogenarians, Gen Jat Verma, ex Army Commander on the Cricket Field and Gen Yash Malhotra, ex Engineer-in-Chief. Naturally we, the Old Boys won. The cadets took it in their stride and indulged us old fogeys. 

While we enjoyed every moment of the three rejuvenating days, the ladies too had their share of fun, with most of them having given up on their spouses after all these years, they are aware when it comes to Rimcollians they are relegated in priority. They also bond together enjoying the bon homie and this 'thicker than blood' bond amongst these boys who simply refuse to grow up!