Devolution

What makes  50 pluses behave like 15 year olds wannabe, travel miles ?  Well; just a call from their course mates... to be with their brothers in arms, arm in arm, just like the good old days, reliving them, guffawing without any perceptible reason, pulling each other's legs over their appearances, balding pates, expanding girths and generally just messing around. A motley crowd of almost 70 odd Cadets with their rather mature, elegant, graceful better halves, who have adopted these juveniles, got together for one such function on the 30th April in Delhi. 

No it wasn't anyone's wedding, nor was it the usual commissioning day celebration, it was just another weekend and a clarion call by the one and only 'Bob the Bakshi' I was reminded of Stevie Wonder’s “I just called to say”, a rage during our NDA days.

“No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring, no song to sing
In fact, here's just another ordinary day”

Guys travelled from as far as Vijaywada, Secunderabad, Chandigarh, Pune, Dehradun just to be there and be a part of this fun and frolic. Most have since re-attired, only some of us continue to adorn them, some have recently become grand parents, some are also 'in-laws' but when it comes to these occasions, we are the same wide eyed 16 year olds dreamers. Although most of us have lived our dreams and nightmares in the three decades plus... Wellington, Kashmir, Kargil, North East, United Nations peacekeeping, Belgaum, Mhow, Deolali, Pune  and so on.....

We live “in moments”, although philosophers would want you to live “for the moment”, which is a tough one, but it is these moments of divine pleasure which we live and die for. The bond is a strange one, we spar endlessly on what’s app on political, religious, strategic or any other nonsensical issues, throw tantrums, but face to face, all that is forgotten, it is just backslapping bon-homie!  16 year old is a very impressionable age, the bonds forged then, last lifelong. I often wonder whether this bond is due to the ragda that we withstood together, the Sinhgarhs, punishment Periphery runs, midnight bathroom sessions, Camps or was it just the time spent together for those vital three years where we got to know each other better than our parents or siblings or even spouses. Actually deep down we know when the chips are down, he will cover my back and that is the inherent strength. I dare say we were indeed fortunate and blessed to have led such an eventful and colourful lives.

Amidst all the merrymaking there are interesting tidbits which we pick up like the exploitation of technology in extraction of sandalwood oil, or that sandalwood is available in abundance in the jungles of Madhya Pradesh, I am sure you all guessed Karnataka! After all the notorious Veerappan made his living in the dreaded forests in that very belt. Someone was waxing eloquent on Realism versus liberalism, someone had taken to evangelism and some had turned spiritual without the need for any spirit, but all of us had one thing in common, espirit-de-corps!! Most of the serving varieties were busy listening to the stories of their friends who had taken the plunge rather early and joined the civilian world, the retirees were enjoying their second innings with talks veering around the types of cars and a certain "Bright Red Thar" which had captured the imagination of not just the course-mates but also of many damsels. We had our very own Cavalier regaling us with his country music, the Travoltas had the dance floor to themselves! All this while the ladies watched rather bemused at our devolution (Devolution, de-evolution, or backward evolution (not to be confused with dysgenics) is the notion that species can revert to supposedly more primitive forms over time.) Our antics were proof enough.

Shadi Ka Laddoo

 The world rejoices when a child is born and mourns when a person dies, in both the cases the person concerned is oblivious to the happenings. In the case of marriages, people celebrate, so do the bride and groom, once again oblivious of the consequences. Most normal people decide to tie the knot at least once, barring of course Bhishma Pitamah and Salman Bhai. Then there are brave dare devils who sometimes indulge themselves more than once, ignoring the adage, ‘once bitten twice shy’! Elizabeth Taylor, probably hold a record of sorts for walking the aisle on eight occasions, twice with the same person. Though for the records it was Mr Glynn Wolfe who did it 31 times and holds the Guinness Record for most monogamous marriages. Islam as a religion permits a man to marry four wives, may be that is the genesis of the all the troubles. After all if you have four such occasions looming large may be you would be prepared to be a fedayeen.

As they say in Hindi, “Shadi ka laddoo, jo khaye wo pachhtaye, jo na khaye wo bhi pachhtaye”, translated as “Damned if you marry or damned if you don’t either ways”. Why these marital blues all of a sudden, after more than three decades of martial bliss, the marital has purposely been spelt as martial. The position of the all powerful “I” makes no difference really, as both are essential martial in nature, just the adversary changes from outside to within the four walls. This slight of hand or spellings is just to confuse you. Well actually it was about time for my son to take the plunge, after three decades of bliss, time to atone for the sins had finally arrived. The interesting part was it was of his own volition, so we happily let him do it. After all it is better to experience it, even Socrates said, “By all means get married, if you get a good wife, you will be happy If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher!” 

Be that as it may, all of us were overjoyed when our son, Abhijat decided to tie the nuptial knot with Ishita. He has been happy and blissful for three decades of his existence on this planet, travelling and exploring the world; he was prepared to embark on yet another adventurous trip for the rest of his life.

A veteran of organising many events, Raising Days, Reunions, I was confident I will be able to handle this little marriage business in a similar fashion. Little did we know that organising a marriage is a different cup of tea altogether. Here you are the commander, the staff, and the troops who has to plan, manage the finances, deal with the hoteliers, negotiate with your own family on budgetary constraints and then set about  preparing the guest list and finally execute it. Preparing the Guest List was a tough one as to whom to include and whom to exclude, after all, in the forty four years since I left home to join RIMC, one has made friends with hundreds, all course mates, RIMC,NDA,IMA, Young Officers course,Degree Engineering, Staff College, Higher Command, neighbours, colleagues. The guest list obviously has to include friends of my better half, kids, parents and siblings. After stepping on some toes and even at the cost of annoying a few, we decided to go public with this auspicious news and posted it on all the whats app groups that one was a member of. The choice of the venue for the wedding was a difficult one as the bride’s side had to be convinced that despite our current place of residence being Delhi, we had to perform the ceremonies at Indore, where our parents and the extended family resided. A marriage without the blessing of the elders in India is just another party. They very graciously agreed and after the event, they were convinced seeing the enthusiastic participation by the elders in the family.

Finally almost hundred out station guests graced the occasion, with Rimcollian and NDA buddies topping the list, in fact my friends were present in larger numbers than Abhijat’s friends.  As though in a show of solidarity, they wanted to make sure that there was adequate support at hand. A fact that I can be justifiably proud of. Although Abhijat’s guests included his friends from France, where he spent about a year and a half pursuing his research in Computer Science. They participated in all the activities very enthusiastically and were with us for a full week.

The marriage was solemnised in a befitting manner with the chanting of mantras, the bride and grooms shook hands as part of the “Lagna”, followed by the saptpadi, the proverbial seven steps of commitment for a lifelong companionship and kanyadaan, an act which has no parallels in any other culture where the bride’s father gives away the girl to the groom and is considered the epitome of charitable acts! 

After all the backslapping and merrymaking we discovered that we had been anointed as “In Laws” . In Laws, much maligned by Hindi movies,  by their very stature and acts are supposed to be obnoxious people who indulge in poking their nose in the affairs of the couple and making lives of the bride specially miserable. We would like to be the outliers then….be just parents!!!

All the World is A Stage

Cheer Up Will Smith! you have joined legends such as Dileep Kumar and Marlon Brando, the Don Corleone, by virtue of that slap, yes the same which will echo in the Academy Awards for generations. I wonder if Will Smith had watched Dileep Kumar, the Indian thespian slap Dr Dang the character played by Anupam Kher in "Karma" presuming he would have watched "Godfather" for sure, for inspiration. Chris Rock doesn't seem to a fan of Bhai, else his repartee would have gone something like, "Man I am not scared of a mere slap, its the love which scares the sh*t out of me!" That is how Sonakshi the “Dabang" girl responded to Bhai Salman Khan.

Imagine walking up to the host slapping him hard in on stage on a live TV event. The amazing part was not just getting away with it but actually earning a standing ovation for his award in just a short while after this event. But dance drama are a par for the course, just an essential part of the “theatre of absurd” which is played out day in and day out by their characters. The reel life starts to imitate the real life sooner or later. But well the slaps are not restricted to the entertainment industry alone, the other major actors in life, yes, you guessed it, the politicians too have been at the receiving end at times with friend Mr Arvind Kejriwal topping the list. Our Turbanator Bhajji, Harbhajan too belongs to this illustrious league, some of you would recall his resounding slap on Sreesanth in IPL 2008. 

In India, slaps were a regular feature in the households, in fact we were so used to it that a day without one was a blue moon event, a rarity, with any and everyone exercising their birthright, so if it was not the parents, it could be elder siblings, teachers, bullies in the class, seniors in the academies, just about anyone. Getting physical had nothing in common with physics and it even defied the Newton's third law,"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction", I am sure some of us can still recall that bit of Physics. These slaps did not elicit any reaction at all, just some expletives muttered under our breath, but equal and opposite no way! 

Controversy pays; and it pays big time. Dr Thomas Roulet of Cambridge Judge Business School in his new book "The Power of Being Divisive: Understanding Negative Social Evaluations"  outlines how generating negative feedback can be beneficial. Kejriwal or Bhajji have both benefitted from these no doubt. Any publicity, positive or negative is good for marketing, as any Marketing Guru will agree.  In fact, many of us fondly recall the Devil in the Onida TV commercials of yester years. Chris Rock reportedly had   houseful stand up shows , so the million dollar question is, could it have been staged??All is fair in love and war!

A Hundred Years

100 years is a long time in the history of our young republic, but just a speck in the annals of our ancient civilisation. Human beings rarely live that long, so for almost all of us this was once in a lifetime opportunity to be a part of the grand celebrations. Rashtriya Indian Military College or RIMC for short turned 100 this 13th March, exactly a hundred years ago. Under the yoke of British colonialism, the British raised this institution on the lines of their Public schools as a feeder institution to their military academies. Obviously it was not out of any benevolence towards the natives, but this historic event had major ramifications in the history of Indian independence itself. 

Consequent to the glorious part played by British Indian Army in World War I, it was realised that Indians had to be inducted to officer their own Army. Although the first Indian ICS Officer Mr SatyendraNath Tagore joined as early as 1864, it took another half a century for the first batch of King's Commissioned Indian Officers to make forays in the Armed Forces. Field Marshal KM Cariappa, OBE was one amongst those. Ironically the first batch of officers who were sent to Sandhurst for pre commission training did not have very good results with only 15 of the 25 making the cut.  The advent of RIMC was a direct consequence of this and no less than the Prince of Wales, Prince Edward himself was here to inaugurate the College. Probably the blows part  was taken literally from his oft quoted speech regarding "the first few blows on the anvil of life which shaped human destiny....";  and ever since then we have been at the receiving end of blows, so much so we have just been blown over! But I dare say all those blows did work in transforming young gawky lads into some great leaders over the years.  Six Chiefs of services, Army Commanders and equivalents galore, galaxy of stars, Ambassadors, Governors, bureaucrats, mountaineers and some even in politics, from amongst a total of less than 5000 Cadets in the last century is no mean achievement. 

Gen VN Sharma, former COAS, nonagenarian, an epitome of grace and dignity, dwelled on these blows in his pep talk after the Boxing Finals. His pearls of wisdom on the blood and guts to tackle bullies in life echoed cutting across generations of Rimcollians.  On the next day, as the senior most Rimcollian present he marched smartly accompanied by the stick orderlies on to the War Memorial for the customary Wreath Laying, where his elder brother and India's first PVC Maj Somnath Sharma's name is also etched for his gallant action and supreme sacrifice while saving the Kashmir Valley in 1948. 

The Centenary Function was kickstarted by a soul stirring speech by the Chief Guest, His Excellency, the Governor of Uttarakhand, Lt Gen Gurmit Singh (Retd). He was lavish in his praise of the contribution of Rimcollians in nation building in general and the Armed Forces in particular.  The most awaited moment of all Reunions at RIMC is the "Mother of All" competitions, Inter Section Boxing Championship. In the evening, all the Rimcollians with their better halves in tow were seated alongside the cadets cheering for their respective sections. Every bout is a matter of life and death, the young cadets spar inside the ring, outside it is the Old Boys lustily cheering for them. It is a sight which has to be seen to be believed. The Centenary year belonged to the youngest section of the College, Chandraguptians stole a march over their compatriots by punching their way to glory and bagging the most coveted trophy. For us old timers, it was quite a surprise as during our times our section was more academically oriented, where most of the Medhavis (Class Toppers) would be Chandraguptians. The Centenary Boxing Championship win will be part of folk lore for future generations. 

Incidentally College reminds me of the many adventures that we bravely endured, in NDA and even later in the early years of service, there were times when some seniors would provoke us by calling RIMC a school like all the others. We just could not digest this downgrading of the status and contested, insisting that ours was a "College". After all the name itself was RIM College, so how could it be a school? All these fracas naturally resulted in the routine, "Get rolling!" A unique command which the cadets respond to in a reflex action by executing these continuous front rolls wherever they are in whichever attire they are; hopefully things are more of the same. These sessions did not dampen our spirits and we were always ready to take up cudgels on behalf of the status of the College always.

In a lighter vein,   it was the 'never say die' spirit of Rimcollians that forced even Corona to beat a retreat.  Getting back to the Centenary Event, the three days flew past, we were everywhere, in the Cricket and Hockey fields, Squash and Basket Ball courts matching our rusty skills with the Cadets; the Old Boys Teams were led by Young Octogenarians, Gen Jat Verma, ex Army Commander on the Cricket Field and Gen Yash Malhotra, ex Engineer-in-Chief. Naturally we, the Old Boys won. The cadets took it in their stride and indulged us old fogeys. 

While we enjoyed every moment of the three rejuvenating days, the ladies too had their share of fun, with most of them having given up on their spouses after all these years, they are aware when it comes to Rimcollians they are relegated in priority. They also bond together enjoying the bon homie and this 'thicker than blood' bond amongst these boys who simply refuse to grow up!

No Woman No Cry

 “No Woman No Cry”, on the occasion of International Women’s Day, when we are celebrating womanhood in all its forms, why this allusion to Bob Marley’s very popular chartbuster ? Well, he obviously meant it ….if there were no women, there would be no tears!  Most married men recall their bachelor days with that nostalgic sigh, which conveys all that they can’t express in words. Men at least the men we knew, not the metrosexual clones, don’t cry, if they could they would shed copious tears every time someone posed this question. Incidentally this anthem was sung by BoneyM also with Bobby Farell the only male member of the group grooving but on closer scrutiny he seems to be brooding surrounded by three damsels, while the lead singer Liz Mitchell was all smiles while crooning. I wonder whether the lyricist in this case Bob Marley himself, had put himself in the shoes of Adam, (but for Eve’s temptation we would all be in  Eden!! ), when he composed this iconic song. To be fair, Bob Marley only asked the women “Not to Cry!” 

Someone rightly posed a question as to what about the Men’s Day and was promptly told that 1st May the International Labour Day was dedicated to the Male species of Homo Sapiens. There was also one where the woman promptly counters if 8th March was the only one dedicated to the fairer sex what about the rest 364 days, which too belonged to them only.

Before I get lynched and trolled I better make amends, so here goes…

Well actually Woman is definitely more than a Man, as she has the “Man” within her, the Female has Male within, in other words those of us who are not Mathematically challenged would sum up that Man is actually a sub-set of Woman. So when women’s lib types demand freedom, I am actually at a loss, it is we men who should be demanding this men’s lib …..it is we who are caged even literally. She is all encompassing, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”, as penned by William Ross Wallace payback in 1865. 

We in India always knew that, just that some of our ancestors took this liberty business a too seriously, in the bargain, ended up as a lost cause themselves.  Yes like all the other societies we have had our share of misogynists, and still have them amidst us, but we live on hope….

Despite having a very strong Mrs Indira Gandhi as the Prime Minister for more than a decade or for that matter  Sonia  Gandhi,Mayawati and Mamta  Didi ruling the roost in their respective domains, the women have  not been able to break out of the shackles. Tokenism is what we resort to, let the women into the combat arms of the Armed Forces, let them get into NDA, but not in the ranks. Why is there no demand for that? Women’s reservations for the parliamentary seats is always buried by all the political parties. Though to be honest even that would be more of tokenism only, as the institution of “Pradhan Pati” has taken roots. Pradhan Pati is the husband of the Lady Sarpanch of the Village Panchayat and it is he who calls the shots. Deja vu, you would recall the Rabri Devi Lalloo Yadav days.

Women’s Days will come and go, unless the mindset changes, and there  is healthy respect for women in general, within our families and our work places, we will continue with sloganeering. We should not need to Save the daughter, just educate her, empower her, ensure she is financially independent and  she will save herself….She is the Mother, the creator…Maa tujhe Salaam!!!

Russian Roulette

Indians and Pakistanis are normally on friendly terms when they are not in their respective countries. After all they have shared a common heritage, although our neighbours have been living in denial since independence. The relationship is not easy though, we speak the same language which does help forge a bond. While in the UN there were quite a few colleagues from the not so friendly neighbourhood, we were “hum nivala, hum pyala”, as they say in Urdu, i.e. we shared food and drink too. Why this sudden allusion to Indo-Pak relationship, well Russia-Ukraine have shared a similar history. One nation, broke up and today sworn enemies at each other’s throats. Not really it is the Bear which has the Ukrainians in a tight Bear hug almost choking them. 

Once again I am reminded of the UN Peacekeeping days in Cote d’Ivoire where we had Russian officers as our colleagues in the Military Observers Team and Ukrainian pilots flying the ramshackle machines and landing them in most unforgiving areas. Russian-Ukrainian bon homie was visible, they spoke Russian, were part of the same USSR Army just a decade ago. Russians were immensely proud and looked down with disdain on most other Army personnel. Obviously they hated Gorbachev and Yeltsin for reducing them to this status from a one time Super Power.

I am sure they would be mighty pleased with Putin, who shares his first name with Lenin himself, Vladimir…he had to be different. The other day I was taking a walk in Nehru Park in Delhi, guess whose statue appears there prominently, Lenin himself. I am not sure there would be many countries where Comrade Lenin’s statue still finds a pride of place. Our socialist milieu would definitely be proud of our allegiance and maintaining the links with history. Putin has left an indelible mark in the annals of history, whether he lands up in league with Hitler, Stalin and their ilk or Napolean will depend on the outcome of this desperate measure. If he emerges victorious he would have changed the course of history, else obviously he would be dumped in the dustbins as another villainous Saddam.

Putin incidentally shares his name with another famous or rather notorious Russian, Rasputin, those of our generation would definitely have grooved to BoneyM's chartbuster, “Rasputin…Oh those Russians!” The once KGB Boss is in no mood to relent and despite the whole world against him, he has decided to finish off what he started. The Yanks obviously underestimated him, you can’t blame them; after all Putin has been at the helm of affairs for almost two decades now and he had behaved quite rationally so far. This irrationality has shocked the West or has it?  

The Military Industrial Complex had been at a loss ever since Afghanistan wound up. The Arms lobby was in desperate need for another conflict to keep them going. One can almost see them celebrating, Ukranian canon fodder, in lieu of some Third World Asian or African nation, even better….after all they are Caucasians, blue eyed and blue blooded….more tears will be shed! The global economy in turmoil... all indicate happy tidings for the Arms lobbies world over.

 We may have given the Non Alignment a quiet burial but national interest is paramount and that has dictated our actions so far. We depend on the Russians for our security concerns.So India and US may be natural partners, oldest and largest democracies, Strategic Partners and so on....but "There are no permanent friends or permanent enemies just permanent interests." Thus spake William Clay, a black American politician. We Indians have perfected this art at home while switching allegiance between parties, keeping in mind only personal interests, ideology can be damned or be adopted. Having mastered it, we can practise it with ease.

“Mera Joota Hai Japani, Sar par Lal Topi Rusi…” , the Awara vagabond RajKapur crooned and won the hearts of Communist Russians, erstwhile USSR. Even today, old timers still hum the tune nostalgically. Indians continue to walk the tight rope doing the trapeze act between the West and and the Ruskis.  Russian Roulette does keep things interesting.....

HIJAB

 Hijab is the latest storm in the tea cup, a couple of years earlier most of us would have concluded it to be a typo with "K" being omitted, i.e. mistaking it with "khijab". Khijab in Urdu, the language of love and poetry as they say, means hair colour or Hair Dye as it was known, till it changed colours from Godrej to Garnier. Khijab was a must have to preserve the youthful looks, as insecurities struck the potbellied middle aged person who was mortally scared of being addressed as "Uncle". In fact there was an advertisement which latched on to this very middle aged challenge. How I wish it was the Khijab which was the bone of contention as Hair today Gone tomorrow, would also have done the vanishing act and spared us this ordeal.

Alas, it is Hijab, the veil which has stirred the hornet's nest. The controversy which erupted all of a sudden erupted at a crucial juncture in Indian politics, with five states going to polls. Although Karnataka was not the affected state as far as elections go, but an emotive issue such as this has major ramifications pan India.Sure enough instead of quietly trying to resolve a deeply polarising issue, everyone was just stoking the fire. Media had a field day, politicians cutting across party lines started to wail whether "To be or not to be veiled". Some felt it was encroaching on the religious freedom enshrined in the constitution, while the others felt it was misuse of that very freedom especially in an academic institution. Some quoted the Quran, the others cited  Muslim countries  Saudi Arabia, Palestine where Hijab was not mandatory.

Wearing of Hijab is a personal choice, one can't dispute that, however, the requirement of adherence to a uniform whether in an academic institution or any other organisation is also mandatory and needs to be respected. There is no compulsion on anyone to join any institution, the choice to quit such an organisation should be exercised rather than seek an exception on such grounds.

Be that as it may, the controversy refuses to die down. As if domestic counsel was not enough, expectedly Pak joined issues, but surprise of surprise, the US too joined the bandwagon. Fortunately friend Trudeau is himself in truck turmoil, else he would have loved to do an encore a la Farmer's agitation. Politics makes strange bedfellows.....only these bedfellows are now intercontinental. "Vote ke liye kuchh bhi karega' borrowing from a forgettable Hindi movie "Love ke liye kuchh bhi karega" that is the only commandment which politicians of all hues colours and nationalities follow.