Name Calling

Each one of us gets a unique name given to us by our parents, some of us are more fortunate and earn different sobriquets over the years.  Most of us have a pet name at home, especially so if the formal name is a tongue twister and has more than three or four syllables. Pet names are typically smaller and easier to call out, while Pappu, Munna, Babloo, Guddu, Munni, Guddi were the common names for the middle class kids, Bobby, Tina, Rick, Mike etc were anointed on the suave aspiring Upper middle class progenies.  My siblings are twins and were christened Chuchu and Chiraiya being a boy and girl, which was rather sweet, as Chiraiya is a bird and Chuchu essentially is the tweeting of the bird. The Bhadralok have a practice of daak nam and bhalo naam alluding to pet name and formal name. Daak naam are most unusual sweet and dripping with affection, Titul, Poltu, Babal, Popon and so on. There wasn't much thought given while picking up these pet names as against the formal ones, it being a formal ceremony, "Namkaran sanskar"! Most of us grew over these pet names, however in some cases these stuck on for life, not everyone was pleased to be addressed by his pet name in public. Imagine the CEO of a multinational being called out as Dodo by his friends or relations while he is in august company. In private though he wouldn't mind. We had a senior officer being chided by his better half, "Guddu, that was not what was conveyed!", you could see an embarrassed Guddu squirming!

We also acquire nick names during our sojourn while pursuing our respective careers. Teachers, bosses, political leaders, sports persons etc invariably land up with a nick name which characterises them at times even caricature them. So we have a Ganje for every baldy, Sexy for every Saxena, Harry for every Harish and so on.. In school we had to devise ingenious ways to christen our venerable teachers without them getting a hint. However, over the years, the masters are aware of these nicknames and don't really mind them. We had "Gullu" for Mr Singhal, legend has it that he would promise gullucose (glucose) to the athletes, while Mr Kaushal Kumar was called 'KKu', Mr Nene was 'Ganju', after his shining bald pate. The names which our course-mates acquired were quite unique so we had Sanjay Verma aka 'Guni' named after a shloka in Sanskrit, 'Varmeko guni putro, na cha murkh shatanyapi, Ekashchandrah tamohanti na cha taragano kwachit', meaning it is better to have one bright son than have hundred fools, as one moon is adequate to conquer the darkness, thousands of stars can't. We also had Yash as the 'Champion', the seniors recognised his potential early on and named him such. We have a Jat who wasn’t one and a Mundu, which survived four plus decades, the others simply formalised. The other prominent ones were 'Pondy' 'Psycho' which may offend the sensibilities of the uninitiated but, for them it was perfectly normal. Their spouses of course did not take kindly to being addressed as Mrs Psycho. 

A number of them end up with names opposite to their profiles, so you will come across a 'Tally', who is barely 5 feet and a six feet guy being called a 'Shorty'. Bosses invariably end up at the wrong end of name calling and hence 'Grouchy' suits most of them with the permanent frown. Politicians of late have stolen a march with Pappu and Feku ruling the roost in name calling!!

Enfant Terrible

Bailed out finally....obviously it is Aryan I am referring to. The world had suddenly come to a standstill since the day the ill fated cruise left the shores of Amchi Mumbai, at least the electronic media would have us believe that. Indian social media and TV channels have outdone each other yet again by setting new benchmarks in minute to minute telecast of the most ridiculous pieces of news. They did it for Sushant Singh Rajput's case a couple of months ago. So now we are wiser about Ananya Pandey's whereabouts, her business acumen in getting Aryan hooked onto weed. Only hitch being the chats on Whats app being admissible as incontrovertible proof of guilt.

Bollywood industry of course played its role to perfection of the much aggrieved innocent bystander who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. All fault of stars, not Bollywood ones, the astrological ones, must be Rahu Kalam or may be the Saturn "Saade Saati", the seven and a half years cycles of "Shani ki Maha Dasha"! Gauri and Shahrukh will soon be making a beeline at the doors of the astrologers, numerologists, Tarot readers and so on, after all their "Mannat" for their prodigal son has borne bail fruit. 

The forlorn philosopher looks of Aryan could have melted any heart, wonder how heartless these NCB types were or they simply closed their eyes and swooped down, after all such a catch is rare, with loads of publicity and public adulation. Sachin Wankhede's ancestry and marital life with none other than a  Shri Nawab Malik Hon'ble minister from Maharashtra giving us these newsbytes himself.This Sachin thought he would outshine the Master Blaster himself, his surname Wankhede of Wankhede Stadium of Mumbai fame, (though they have no connections whatsoever), was too much of a coincidence. He did execute a stupendous catch, but alas, the third umpire kept a close eye on his feet, which probably overstepped. Slow motion replays are inconclusive as yet, so the million dollar question is whether it is a six or has the poor kid succumbed to his hook(ah!) temptation.

"All men are created equal, some are more equal than others!", thus spake George Orwell in his satirical allegorical novella "Animal Farm" penned in 1945. In deference, Judiciary has finally got over their Shakespearean dilemma of "To bail or Not to bail", after all it was the yesteryear cutie Juhi Chawla who was standing surety for the 'enfant terrible'.."bachha ghar aa jayega!"

Girls in NDA : The Final Bastion

 

The final citadel has been stormed, leaving in its trail bruised egos, unsure soldiers and all at sea veterans. The hierarchy simply caved in without even a semblance of a fight. Yes I am referring to the entry of girls in NDA, now that the judiciary has issued a diktat, like it or lump it, gender discrimination has been buried. At least the legal eagles would like to believe that. Wish it were that simple, then by now we would have been a caste less society with no religious persecution,  crime free utopia, in fact we would all be living in  the proverbial “Ram Rajya”.

I can understand the anguish of the veterans, they are peeved as to why did it take so long for the high and mighty to open the floodgates; they  were after all an “all boys club” in the academies and even later on. As by the time, the ladies made their foray as short service commissioned officers, they wer
e already senior in ranks much married and father figures, a role which they played to perfection mollycoddling the young ladies in the initial days. It is believed that one of the Commandants in OTA Chennai in the initial days walked in with a box full of chocolates for the opening address to the LCs (lady cadets). It is to the credit of the young ladies that they imbibed the ethos in the units they served in, as also the unit officers ably led by their Commanding Officers who groomed them that they started proving their worth in the organisation. The armed forces and chivalry are synonymous, ladies were always treated with utmost respect, to that extent ladies joining the Armed Forces were safe. 

The Fauji hierarchy has also tied itself in knots, now that permanent commission has been granted to women officers, the mode of entry through NDA or OTA is actually immaterial, except the functional issues which are more administrative in nature, which given time can be addressed.

Then why was the organisation not keen on taking them on board for a permanent commission and kept them from harms way by restricting their employment to so called sedentary duties and did not let them see action in the combat arms. Obviously there must be strong reasons and if that was so, then why did they give up so easily and accept the writing on the wall.

Having been an instructor with Lady Officers as trainees and having commanded them in units in peace, field and exercises, I can say that by and large they made good officers. However, one had to be mindful of their physical limitations and assign them tasks commensurate with their capabilities. A leader is expected to know his officers and men and should be able to motivate them to excel. The lady officers were happy if they faced professional challenges successfully without being given any preferential treatment. Would I be a vocal supporter of this cause then.....I am afraid, no. 

Despite all the positives, there are a few major issues which can't be overlooked. First and foremost is our society and culture, and the unreasonable and illogical pressures by the public and media. The Kandahar hijack  episode is a blot not only on our security establishment for having failed to  Abhinandan's capture by Pak during the post Balakot incident is still fresh in everyone's minds. There was a clamour to bring him back at all costs. 

Kandahar hijack and its aftermath is still not faded from our memory, when the media and general public went ballistic demanding immediate capitulation to secure the release of the passengers. If that is not enough, the mutilations and torture of Lt Anuj Kalia during Kargil and Sqn Ldr Ajay Ahuja who was also brutally tortured and murdered despite being captured alive……..God forbid if such an eventuality was to occur with the adversaries we face who do not respect any human rights, wouldn’t we be putting ourselves as a nation in a very delicate situation of our own making. 

The second issue pertains to the elitist nature of elimination of gender discrimination, effecting only the officer cadre, how about the rank and file. If the ladies are as good as gentlemen officers then why not induct them as sepoys in all the arms and services? Worth pondering!! The honourable Supreme Court compared St Stephens college permitting girls with that of NDA, with due respect My Lord, while the former is just a college and the latter is a military training institution. Obviously a case of comparing apples and bitter gourd (karela), not oranges as they are at least in the same genre of fruits(!). 

Well then, now that it is fait accompli, welcome aboard girls but tread with caution…..the path from here on will  be tough and toughs are expected to get going..

 

 

Rancho

 So the Yanks have turned their tail again, what’s new one may ask? The mighty US of A, the global hegemon, policeman, watchdog of democratic values, the saviour of the world from all kinds of catastrophes, be it the aliens, meteors or even invasion by the zombies….the Avengers!! 

If wishes were horses.Hollywood stories would come alive. It always amazes me that aliens do not land anywhere else in the world, except US, be it the Independence Day or Martian Invasions. Some of you may be surprised to note that Americans had been fantasising about alien wars immediately after the second World War and produced movies on the theme including a 3D version way back in 1953.  Most of us of course recall the more recent ones War of the Worlds, Avatar etc, where they have saved the Planet a million times. So obviously, Americans find mere mortals too lowly for a fight, be it Vietnam or Afghanistan, these are not their wars. They simply took it on themselves to rid the world of communism and Islamic extremism, even if they had to befriend the Middle kingdom itself; their communists were better than the Russian ones. Similarly  Pak and Saudi extremism is acceptable but Afghani is anathema. No, it had nothing to do with the Military Industrial complex, which made a cool three trillion dollars from this venture. A couple of million lives lost, displaced refugee crisis are mere collaterals. In fact, actually it is an investment for future as they have sown the seeds of discord amongst the people displaced, who would be the cannon fodder for future conflicts, creating a demand for the same weapons again, so a win-win for everyone!!

We can’t blame them really, there are only two industries which Americans can be justifiably proud of Arms and Entertainment, which too incidentally is beholden to the Chinese, with many productions houses already owing their allegiance to them. So Men in Black would rather seek fictional  aliens and monsters who can be handled on celluloid with computer aided digital effects rather than roughing it out in the rugged and unforgiving mountainous arid Afghanistan. The superheroes Batmans, Supermen  women and even the Rambos have discovered to their chagrin that when things get tough toughs don’t get going ….they just turn back and run….

Rancho from 3 Idiots was actually Ranchhoddas Chanched the character played by Amir Khan. Well, may be Old Joe is the modern day Krishna, who too got the sobriquet of Ranchhod (one who runs away from a battlefield) after scooting from the battlefield.

Brotherhood

 “Let their flesh be renewed like a child’s; let them be restored as in the days of their youth”—JOB 33:25. Thus spake the Bible; closer home Jagjit Singh’s immortalised Gazal 

“देने वाले मुझे मौजों की रवानी दे दे,फिर से एक बार मुझे मेरी जवानी दे दे

अब्र हो, जाम हो, साक़ी हो मेरे पहलू में,कोई तो शाम मुझे ऐसी सुहानी दे दे”

Shadab Lahori’s verses describe our feelings and emotions, having just returned after a reunion of 60 plus NDA course-mates, band of brothers, rogues, each one an emperor! 

Every reunion we are reborn, emerge fresh as a lark, as though it was just yesterday when we entered the haloed Pashan Gate, as if in a daze. The cradle where we entered as young boys and graduated as men of honour, National Defence Academy.Having grown up and forced to lead a rather mature adult life, we long for those carefree days and these Reunions fulfil that desire.

If I were to say that Covid has taken a massive toll on the social life, it would be an understatement. We hanker for company, long to meet our dear friends, buddies since last almost four decades. We have shared good and bad times, been through some nightmares and exhilarating spirited moments. Unfortunately one of the major effects of the lockdown during this pandemic was the extended time spent staring at the screens of mobile, pad or Laptops. Like in all other groups, our Course too has had its share of fracas amongst the Right and Left, Hindu-Muslim etc. In fact sometimes the attacks became very personal and vicious. The level of toxicity was multiplying exponentially. The liberals believed themselves to be the true inheritors of our secular legacy, while the Right believed that it was high time the wrongs of centuries needed to be corrected. Deja vu….I am sure almost all the groups have caught this bug.

Time for Bob Bakshi, the course logistician, josh box to get into the act, he announces a course get-together, the venue and date are fixed, we were expected to confirm  our acceptance by return mail/message. Lo and behold there were sixty one of us who confirmed. Friends from Bangalore, Hyderabad and Mhow travelled all the way to Delhi some flew in, some drove down, just to be friends, to relive those good old days, that backslap, the warm hugs, handshakes to reinforce the bonds which even the pandemics can not shake! Just guffaw over nonsensical jokes to an onlooker. Started on a sombre note by condoling the unfortunate demise of some friends during this pandemic. But as the drinks flowed the toxicity vanished… we went back to being just the bunch of 16 year olds once again, pulling each other’s legs over the receding hairlines and growing waistlines, genuinely happy and pleased with the career progress of some, enquiring about spouses, kids, their careers, matrimony, grandparenthood and also concerns about the looming retirement ahead for some of us. We discussed about our chosen retirement abodes and how we could just live it up in the days ahead…All in all , bon homie, camaraderie and joie de vivre………Long live the brotherhood!!!

Main Aur Mera Phone (Me and My Phone)

 “Main aur mera phone aksar yeh baatein karte hain…”.I often talk to my mobile, in other words indulge in soliloquy; if it weren’t for you I would be sitting and having a drink with friends, guffawing away to glory reliving old times with them and not merely texting them. If it weren’t for you, I would be out on an adventure trip driving out just for the pleasure of having the wind come rushing at me, sitting by a roadside dhaba for a well earned tea break. If it weren’t for you, I would be out playing a round of golf, hitting the dimpled balls into the OB area and cursing but occasionally enjoy the pleasure of the ball soaring on and landing in the centre of the fairway inviting envious glances from the four ball or just sinking a birdie with a 50 foot putt in a fluke. If it weren’t for you we would be out by the riverside/on the beach, on a jungle trail..just soaking the nature and relishing every moment of joie-de-vivre! If it weren’t for you I would be …… 

But alas all that has changed, now I know you are here with me and my only friends are on Facebook and Insta sharing their intimate and not so intimate, real and imagined details with the world, no personal secrets between the best friends any longer. Then there is the ubiquitous Whats App, what the hell(!!), I think this app should be rechristened as What the f***, really….with membership of myriad groups, each one belching out gyaan of all kinds of spiritual discourses on every possible religion, to performance of Indian athletes in Olympics, to Geo-strategic  significance of Joe Biden’s decision and of course the highly polarising real and fake videos. Not to forget the number of highly addictive games which you have got me hooked onto, as if that is not enough, your streaming of web series,TV channels and what have you..

You are my best and only friend and at the same time my worst enemy,  to paraphrase Dickens “these are the best of times these are the worst of times”….literally. During these pandemic times, if it wasn’t for you my friend, there would be no economic activity, no work from home, no classes, no meetings, no tele-medicine, no banking. We are indebted to you for all that you have done. We have been enslaved both bodily and in mind. Sadly we have succumbed that too without a fight. But it is time for you to take a bow and retreat to that corner, where you began your journey. Hoping against hope… “Woh subah kabhi to aayegi..”(We shall see a new dawn some day..) when I will be released from the evil clutches of this monster will get my life back….Main our mera phone aksar yeh baatein karte  hain…..

Maggi and Culinary skills of Cadets

 Taking off from where I left off last time on Immersion rods, while primarily immersion rods were used for heating of water, but its miniature version was used for heating water in a small tumbler for shaving. NDA cadets by nature are expert in 'jugaad', actually as a nation we resort to jugaad in every possible field. The rods were put to its most optimal utilisation since  warm water for shaving was a luxury which was for the bourgeois(rich), the cadets typically belonged to the proletariat(masses) adhering to the socialist-communist milieu of the times.  These miniature rods were the lifeline of the cadets as they provided the warm water for cooking up the 2 minute  "Maggi". Incidentally Instant noodles were invented by Momofuku Ando of Nissin Foods in Japan. They were launched in 1958 under the brand name Chikin Ramen but introduced in India in 1983, by Nestle the year when we joined NDA, as though they were waiting for 70th Course all this while.  An NDA cadet is perpetually hungry and as they say "a hungry man is an  angry man" and the quickest way to satiate the pangs of hunger was the "Two minute wonder", which was actually gobbled up in less than the time it took to make it. The utensil could be an enameled mug                         or the mess tin, depending on availability and the number of cadets in the cabin at that moment. Maggi became synonymous with Instant Noodles, so much so that any other brand of Instant Noodles introduced in the market could not make much of a dent in their sales figures. It was and continues to be the lifeline for hostelers everywhere; of course tea coffee could also be brewed in quick time , but more often than not, there was never any dearth of tea, which was consumed in the very same enameled mugs. In fact even during Camps or Hikes, the Powdered milk which was issued was consumed straight without bothering to add water to it, it was instant energy(!). Tea which was served in the morning and evening was brewed in the squadron premises itself, to serve it real hot, quantity was more than adequate as every cadet got the mug full and some even managed a second one.

Culinary skills of cadets though were not restricted to Maggi or tea/coffee, Jats and desi ghee can never be parted, all of them carried carried cannisters full of ghee, which was consumed in any and every form, but quite often it was the traditional gourmet "halwa" whose aroma would fill the corridors leaving many of us salivating. Mind you possession of any heating appliances was forbidden in NDA, but forbidden Halwa is sweeter!! Some cadets would keep Heaters or Hot Plates with them, which would be put to good use on Sundays when some of us skipped lunch and savoured the halwa along with Maggi and some Bread from Gole Market.

We did not have the luxury of MRE(Meals Ready to Eat), the MTR type packaged foods, which today's youngsters rely on, whether in India or abroad. Notwithstanding, the taste of those Mess Tin full of Maggi is still fresh and unmatched.