NEET not so Neat after all

 NEET is not so neat after all, another exam bites the dust. Congratulations! I think we as a country must be having the dubious distinction of reducing the conduct of examinations to a pathetic joke. Unfortunately it is our millions of students who are at the receiving end of these fiascos. My heart goes out to these poor souls, who have been burning the midnight oil slogging for two to three years, some for even longer durations, in the hope that they will be taking the Hippocratic oath some day. I am sure they are aware of the pitfalls of the wretched examination system of ours but even they could not have even in their wildest imagination conjured up such a scenario. 

I am reminded of a Hindi declamation that I participated in while at RIMC Dehradun as an eleven year old, it went something like this, " Pariksha (exam) is actually "par ichha", i.e. it is the examiner's wish to subject the student to this torture called exam which is worse than third degree. The student poor fellow memorises by rote, preparing for the exam but the teacher derives perverse pleasure by asking only those questions which either the student hasn't prepared or has forgotten the answers. No student is ever happy preparing and appearing for the exam, given a choice they would obviously bunk and junk the exam system itself rather than flunk. While school, college life is fun, it is this exam which plays the spoilsport literally.

All of us have  faced this menace all through our lives and survived to tell the tale, the best one being when you have successfully answered a question and are triumphantly advancing to the next one with the confidence boosted, when the class topper gets up and points out a mistake in the question, which the teacher acknowledges and goes on to correct it, or when he/she asks for the log table and you could not figure out as to why did he need one. If looks could kill, the topper would have been a dead person a long time ago. If class toppers are at the receiving end of the curses of the rest of the class, imagine the plight of these JEE/NEET toppers, with millions of students wishing them ill. But God obviously doesn't pay any heed to these losers and the toppers go on to excel later in life as well. 

All that is in jest, but frankly the education system itself needs an overhaul, merely tinkering with the exams is treating the symptoms and not the disease. Right from Vedic times, our civilisation is based on oral rather than written words, we memorise our scriptures, but somewhere down the line, we stopped asking questions, just relying on reproducing what was read without actually delving into the science or history behind it. Even today, the teachers do not like the inquisitive minds, they would rather have the Chatur Ramalingam of Three Idiots notoriety rather than a Rancho, as they themselves have grown up in this system, where why and wherefores were not encouraged. 

Be that as it may, I know a de novo look at our education system is not a priority for any political party, so till then at least a decent clean examination system where the students don't feel cheated is the least that the government of the day must ensure. We have SAT, GRE TOEFL exams being conducted without any such incidents of malpractices. These are conducted all over the world, all the year round, without any hitch. Pray why don't we take a leaf out of this system and implement a similar system in place, where the exams are conducted all through the year, whenever the student feels he is ready to take the test, he should be permitted and should he want to improve his score, he should be permitted to repeat the test, of course at a cost. I know with millions of students, this is a huge challenge but if the exam can be taken any time of the year, then the number of students taking the exam at one time will gradually become more manageable. These competitive exams are all conducted on line now, the scores must be given out, then and there, so that there is no scope for these kingpins to play around with the future of our students and in the bargain our own future as a nation.

INDIGENOUS INCREDIBLE INDIAN INDELIBLE INK

The "indigenous incredible Indian indelible ink" mark on my left hand index finger refuses to go, it seems to have fallen in love with my index finger, having finally found its soulmate after all these years of waiting patiently when  I got it inked so it must ensure that it sis for keeps. This "Atithi (guest) has long overstayed its welcome but it has simply ignored all my subtle and not so subtle efforts to get rid of it. The quality of ink needs to complimented, in our country where durability of most items is suspect, this one stands out. I am sure we recall all the bridges which have collapsed while in construction or immediately after the inauguration. The diligence of the Poll Officials also deserves a special mention as in this era of adulteration the sacred sanctity of the ink has remained unscathed. We are proud of their integrity. Incidentally this ink comprises Silver Nitrate, a chemical compound and was first used during the 1962 General Elections. The ink has been developed by the Council of Scientific and Industri
al Research- National Physical Laboratory (CSIR_NPL), and manufactured by Mysore Paints and Varnish Ltd. The good part is that we even earn some foreign exchange by exporting it to more than 30 countries. This humble ink definitely helps in conduct of free and fair elections and strengthens our democracy. The best part of voting is the number of selfies which appear on the various social media apps, this show of finger although is akin to the more common one which conveys a very different connotation, but is proudly done and everyone is happy generally 'fingering'.

Our generation and our parents generation grew up with fountain pens and ink was an essential part of our education. Chelpark and Camel were the most common inks used, no these were not indelible but even they did leave their mark especially when the pens were leaking on our fingers and at times on our shirts as well. These ink stains were pretty stubborn  and defied efforts by all the detergents and soaps. We had to finally rub our stained thumbs and fingers on stones after wetting them, and that was the only way we could get rid of them. Similarly while erasures for pencil were available dime a dozen and were quite effective but ink erasures were not, and ended up tearing up the page itself. In fact as kids we were not permitted to use ballpoint pens as they played havoc with our handwriting. Even today some of us are still in the habit of using a good fountain pen for inking important documents.  Ink pads have also been an essential part of our lives, as the rubber stamps use these pads for stamping and even for thumb impressions which are affixed on official documents. Our fauji Identity Cards also bear our thumb impression, similarly property transactions too require you to provide impressions of all the fingers and thumbs. The ink stains on the thumb and fingers cannot be washed away and the buyer and seller are quite conspicuous moving around with stained fingers. With the advent of biometrics these days at least Aadhaar cards do not need to use this tool.

The most interesting ink is the invisible ink which has been deciphered by many detectives in their pursuit of the mysterious killers. These days the only ink which the youngsters take to is the tattoo ink. Tattooing is in fashion, some ink which they like to show off with pride.

Over the last month plus, I have also got used to this ink and this is probably the closest to a tattoo that I will ever get. The nail is gradually growing and every clipping chips away at this mark. I will miss it, when it totally disappears. I recall an old advertisement, “With cigarette in hand I felt like a man..!” With this mark, I too have a similar feeling. 

The Magic Number of 100000

 "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." This is an old Chinese saying and so apt. When one commences any task or embarks on a new unexplored vista, one doesn't know how far and how long will it go on. Today as I celebrate the 100000 (one lakh) hits on my blog, I am reminded of this very adage. I have always enjoyed putting pen to paper and realised that even this ‘nonsense’ of mine did make some sense after all. 

I was probably in my class 3 when I wrote my first Hindi story, it was about a blade of grass, which was  in sorrow and pain as all other plants had beautiful flowers and she was not so blessed, till finally she also saw little buds sprouting as it too flowered. My parents were very proud and showed it to all the guests and they too patted me for this original idea and for my little baby steps in creativity. I did indulge in writing and publishing articles in RIMC Chronicle later, but the language continued to be Hindi. While in NDA, I was still writing in Hindi but was more into poetry but did not offer it for publication in the magazine. I did share it with a couple of my friends and also my parents while on vacation. Somewhere in the intervening period I switched from Hindi to English and have stuck to it. The first break came my way when my article, "Uxorious" was published in Deccan Herald and it won me a microwave in 2001. The same year I also won the second prize in USI Gold Medal Essay Competition. But then the demands of a very hectic professional career took precedence and I bided my time till after my command when I got posted to the salubrious environs of Wellington as Directing Staff.

All the drudgery of corrections of students officers submissions would make anybody look at some other forays, an occasional game of squash did provide some respite, as I had not taken to Golf till then. But it was the keyboard of the laptop  which came to my rescue and became my  best friend and that is where I contributed two three articles for The Hoot, the DSSC monthly newsletter. The first one was on Sixth Pay Commission and that was also my first blog, which I published on 2nd Apr 2009. It should ideally have been launched on 1st Apr, as the title that I had chosen was, "Sense in the Nonsense"!  First couple of them barely had any responses, but the pleasure and feeling of writing was exhilarating and so I just carried on. In Sanskrit they say "स्वांतः सुखाय (swantah sukhay)", which literally means, "for my own pleasure”, this was precisely that pleasure.  Initially the frequency was also less, but  gradually as I started to hit the keyboard more frequently as the viewership, i.e. hits on the blog kept multiplying. It was celebration time, when the blog hit 1000, and then a time came when, some of my blogs registered an all-time high hit of  3500. The topics were not chosen in any particular pattern, just what came to my mind. I realised that life in NDA and our training period made interesting reading, so very many of my blogs focussed on those aspects. Our politicians have the foot in the mouth syndrome and picking on them was quite funny and interesting. Topics as diverse as Capsicum to Donald Trump, Ripped Jeans to Tool Kit, UN tenure to Moustaches, Doctors to Rail Travails, Ants in the Pants of air travellers to Covid, Mosquito Menace to Delhi Belly or on a sombre note the tribute to my mother and two brave-hearts of Indian Army have been traversed in these years of blogging. A total of more than 200 odd blogs have been published over the years.The blogs provided me with an outlet to let my creative juices flow, it also resulted in publication of three books.

I was asked by my friends as to why didn't I monetise my blog, well frankly I am not very keen, as technically I am still in uniform. May be someday when I am a senior citizen and a settled veteran, I may consider it. As of now I am happy that these blogs bring a smile on the faces of  my readers and followers of the blog, their comments are very encouraging and spur me on to bash on regardless!

LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR

"Lipstick on your collar told a tale on you!" I am sure the old timers would recall this super-hit song by Connie Francis in the late 50s. The rural India though prefers the chaste Bhojpuri, "Lagaweli jab tu lipistick, hilela Arra district" ( When you apply lipstick, the whole Arra district shakes!!") Lipstick is an essential part of the makeup kit of ladies. In some parts of Punjab it is essential for a married lady to put on a lipstick much like the "mangal -sutra”. Lipstick became lip colour and then lip gloss, hair dye became hair colour, kohl became the eye liner and so on... Some ladies prefer a nude lipstick, which is as close to the skin tone or colour to make it appear as though the lady hasn't worn any.  Incidentally in the Army, Colonels and above proudly adorn the lipstick on their collars, as the collar dogs are also red in colour.

But the whole idea of a makeup is to appear different from what one actually is, as this exercise is religiously undertaken by most ladies to provide a  screen hiding away the perceived blemishes. Makeup is not a new phenomena as since times immemorial the fairer sex has been indulging in this practice, applying henna on the hair, the hands and the feet, cream on the face, kohl smeared eyes and so on. Modern makeup is more synthetic as against the herbal variety that village belles were used to. In army parlance, makeup is akin to a false front, making the adversary deploy earlier. Naturally menfolk get carried away by this facade and surrender meekly. It is here that the lipstick actually comes in handy, when you are philandering around the lipstick on your collar has a tale to tell which the lady of the house is quick to catch on. But the more discerning ones can even smell the perfumes and catch the erring spouses in their act. 

While growing up mothers took pains to deck up the kids, so we had coconut oil generously applied on our scalp and a moisturiser on our cheeks to prevent them from chaffing was the norm. Girls needed the braiding of their hair in addition. We outgrew these and stuck to just after shave and colognes but girls naturally needed to look petite and cute while we had to look rough and rugged so we chose different courses. These days it is not a makeup but a makeover actually, there are many an instances when the grooms have been shocked to discover the true face sans makeup. With our fixation for photography and video, there is a clear instruction from the camera personnel that unless the face is well done up, the photographs will not be upto the mark. "Makeup Artistes", yes that is how they are referred to these days, no longer the simple "makeup men" of yore who were nondescript and were almost like a footnote even in the credits of any movies that we saw. Today these artistes are not just frightfully expensive, you could buy may be a tola or two (10 to 20 grams) of gold instead, and even after coughing up these humongous sums, their availability is suspect. So “muhurtam” for the wedding depends more on the availability or otherwise of the makeup personnel.

In the nineties as the economy started to break out of the licence raj shackles, the cosmetics giants of the world recognised the potential of Indian market and guess what? They unearthed the hidden  beautiful Indian damsels. So we had Sushmita, Aishwarya, Priyanka, Lara winning the beauty pageants  being crowned Miss Universe and Miss World. As suddenly as they stormed these events with similar abruptness the later ones failed to make a mark. Obviously they had achieved their aim, cosmetics industry got a huge fillip and grew astronomically thereafter.

The good old "beauty parlours" have now given way to "Salons", naturally they sound more hep, being French in origin and then they have taken this business to another level altogether. The pedicure, manicure, hairstyling, facial massages, spas all cost quite a packet with ladies convinced that they will exit as 'femme fatale' making heads turn. Ironically the natural charm sans any makeup makes the girl much more attractive and charming, but alas this logic is rarely paid any heed to. As it is we are blessed with a warm climate and during the wedding itself many brides have their makeups ruined as mercury does not have any respect for all the layers of primers, foundations, concealers, highlighters and so on. As age starts to catch up, the urge to look younger gets stronger and frequency of visits to the salons multiplies manifold. But as an Urdu poet has so aptly described ,

"उनका मकसद है मिसाले-हूर हो जाना। 

मगर ये बात किसी बेग़म की समझ में क्यूं नहीं आती,

कि मुमकिन  ही नहीं किशमिश का फिर से अंगूर हो जाना।"

Translated roughly to "Their aim is to appear like a fairy but madam doesn't understand that it is not possible for resin to become a grape again".

PS - Begum is obviously not too pleased, now I am on the lookout for a guest room for a couple of days!

WELL FOUGHT "I.N.D.I.A" "NDA" THE WINNER

 Thank God for small mercies! Just imagine if 400 par had become a reality. Poor old Rahul would again be blaming the EVMs, we all would have been deprived of all this chatter on the social media. The incumbent humbled at the hustings but still managed to survive by the skin of their teeth. The opposition really put in everything this time around, nobody can blame them for not trying enough. The common refrain is that Indian voters know how to rein in the rulers and keep them in check. I think it is time for a reality check, just look at the state wise election results and you will realise that states like MP, Chhattisgarh, Gujarat, Odisha, Uttarakhand, Himachal, Delhi belong to a different planet, no anti-incumbency here whatsoever, in fact there has been a clean sweep in these states, a total of 102 seats, barring just two seats going to the Congress. Karnataka, Bihar, Rajasthan, UP, Telangana, Bengal, Maharashtra, Jammu& Kashmir, Assam and Haryana have been judicious and there is a contest of sorts, some pro some against the ruling dispensation but there is a semblance of a healthy democratic process. Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Punjab have been outliers where the opposition was expected to do well and have been on predicted lines.

Now having seen this how do we arrive at this conclusion that the voters have decided to give the BJP a fractured mandate, when seven states comprising almost 18% of total seats have been totally pro Govt. Voters from MP and UP did not confer with each other that we will be pro, you be against so that the balance is retained. What emerges clearly is that even in LokSabha elections local issues dominate the national ones, so Article 370, Ram Mandir, Economy etc buckle down in front of inconvenience caused by the poor management of affairs in Ayodhya where people lost their dwellings and business without adequate compensation. The constitution in danger did not echo in the seven states where BJP made a clean sweep. But apparently it did strike a chord in the others. So some narratives were conceived and sold to the electorate by both the dispensations, it was upto the voters to accept or reject them. 

In hindsight the INDIA coalition group must be kicking itself for not having pandered to Nitish Babu, as he was the one who floated this idea. Had he been with them, the tables could have turned. Similarly in Maharashtra Fadnavis must be ruing the day when he played hard to get with Shiv Sena after last round of state elections. Now he is facing another election and the MVA is having a upper hand. Babus have come to the rescue of NDA, Chandra and Nitish, naturally they will drive a hard bargain and expect to be rewarded with special packages for their states and plum portfolios. They have earned it. 

Now that elections are done and dusted, govt formation is on the anvil, it is probably time for the sparring parties to reconcile. A hard fought bout, where both the groups spared no punches, the Election Commission has finally ruled "Well fought "INDIA", "NDA" the Winner!" I think the two groups must congratulate one another on the efforts put in and get on with governance, but alas, I don't think that seems likely. A strong responsible opposition is a must in a healthy democracy which can keep the govt of the day in check. Here is hoping that instead of frequent disruptions, we will witness healthy debates maintaining the decorum of the house and take the country ahead on the path of inclusive growth. Amen!

INDIAN ELECTION LEAGUE

Psephologists are in demand, with exit polls, opinion polls galore and the countless number of TV channels; they are having the time of their life. When we were growing up, we had not heard of this supposed statistical science where they predict the voting patterns and election results. Psephology traces its origin from Greek word "psephos" meaning 'pebbles', as ancient Greeks used pebbles for voting. Interestingly "ballot" is derived from Italian "balla" meaning "ball" which too was used for casting their votes. It was with the advent of NDTV that we learnt this term, as Prannoy Roy started this trend of election coverage on TV. Prior to that Doordarshan's coverage was restricted to just the hourly election results and the intervening period movies were screened to keep the audience glued to the TV. Those days we were not spoilt for choices and movies were normally screened only on Sunday evenings, an event which was looked forward to by the complete family and also the neighbours.

But getting back to psephology, as in all statistical sciences predictions are based on facts and can be analysed at the whims and fancies of the individual. Like astrology their predictions too have a very wide range from absolute negative to totally positive. The data base remains the same but the results vary, then how is this a science? What we understand of science is that it is exact and precise in nature based on a set of observations. But when a  Dorab Sopariwala takes a diametrically opposite view to that of Prashant Kishore or Yogendra Yadav and Anand Ranganathan (not strictly a psephologist ) at total variance in their analysis then one is convinced that we must not take this "bak-bak 'brigade" too seriously. When Prannoy Roy articulated his analysis we all sat mesmerised in front of the TV trying to grasp the finer nuances of elections in India. It made such an impression on our young minds in that era of coalitions, Mandal, Kamandal that most of the guys of that generation got hooked to it. No, not electioneering or voting, just listening to this telecast, something akin to Budget presentation when we all sit glued and watch the Finance Minister trying to match the figures, not understanding a thing except the IT rebate slabs. Here too, what interests us is who is getting how many seats, the hows and whys is beyond our pay grade. 

These days that cacophony which passes off as TV debates would be quite amusing if it was not so irritating. Almost all the channels are equally guilty and elections are what they await eagerly to peddle their theories. The anchors get a chance to prove their loyalty and the more heated and vitriolic the debate, the more the TRP, naturally  the channel owners laugh their way to the bank. Now imagine the elections got over on 1st of June, results are to be declared on the 4th, for almost 60 hours these armchair analysts are going to have a field day. The same statistics and figures are doled out, even the formats don't change, the experts get to indulge in studio hopping, earning themselves some good pocket money. While the main protagonists the BJP and Congress spokespersons are confidence personified about the results till the final outcome and then without batting an eyelid one party blames the EVM and the other gloats over the victory. Sometimes the tables turn but the spokespersons are not the ones to introspect and analyse the reasons for the debacle.

Let me give you a simple guide to becoming a psephologist, understand the caste conundrum of the constituencies, get the statistical figures of voting patters of previous elections, extrapolate the data and interpret it the way you want to and then just throw the figures around to confuse everyone and there you are. Like astrology sometimes you will get it right and then you become a celebrity, often you will be on a tangent but that can easily be explained by the "fence sitters", "women vote bank" or any other "X" factor. In any case we Indians are quite actively involved in politics and every Tea shop or Paan shop has plenty of experts waxing eloquent about their theories with the exact number of seats and the reasons thereof. Thankfully the IPL is over, so they can concentrate fully on the Indian Election League. Wow I think this is quite a brilliant idea, we need to get our Lalit Modi back, I am sure he can turn this exercise into a money spinner like the IPL, with real cheerleaders and not these psephologists. Any takers…!!

FEELING HOT HOT HOT....!

 “Feeling hot hot hot…." (https://youtu.be/rbc_LxfhSoY) reminds me of the calypso by Merry Men. The similarity ends with the words, while the band was grooving on the number, we are almost scorched by the number displayed in degree Celsius. Weather Gods are out to punish us for our misdemeanours over the years, we have axed not just trees but our very lifeline. We have polluted the environment to our own peril, all the exhaust fumes from vehicles and the smoke being belched out from furnaces have all contributed to this unbearable heat. But even today the Doubting Thomases would not believe the phenomenon of Global Warming.

A human being can bear extreme cold as he can protect himself with layers of clothing and by taking all precautions, but when it comes to extreme heat, then there is a limit to the number of clothes you may choose to part with, and even if you are sky clad, you still feel like being in an oven, duly skinned and roasted  for effect. As we grow older we recall our childhood with fondness and nostalgia, of days gone by when many cities like Pune were  non fan stations in Military Engineering Services parlance. Mercury shooting past 40 degree celsius was reported in national news, the good old earthen pitchers and surahis were adequate to quench your thirst. A small table fan was adequate in  Indore- Dhar where I grew up. I still recall the first ceiling fan which we purchased in 1974 and it was such a luxury sitting underneath enjoying the cool gush of the air. At my grandfather's place we had an old desert cooler, now that was simply heavenly and we all eagerly looked forward to the post lunch siesta period in cooler climes in the cooled room. Nights were always very pleasant in the Malwa region. So much so that most of us slept on the roof and needed quilts at night, as in the wee hours it did get chilly at times. As the saying went, "Subah-e-Banaras", "Sham-e-Awadh" and "Shab-e-Malwa". The mornings of Banaras, evenings of Awadh and nights of Malwa  are an exquisite experience in itself. Alas all that is a thing of the past as the nights these days in concrete jungle that we have created for ourselves has put paid to those evenings with a gentle breeze.

I still recall once when I was to undergo medical examination for RIMC Entrance, it was to be conducted at Allahabad. I should have realised then and there, as that was an indication from God himself, despatching my father and self in the peak of summers to Prayagraj of today. The place was hot not by today's standards but then we were based in Dhar where again by today's standards we were in a hill station. There are Military Hospitals in Mhow, Bhopal, Jabalpur, Mathura and of course Delhi but we were sent to Allahabad. Mhow mind you is a mere 55 kilometres away from Dhar but then Army likes to make things challenging to check if you actually have it in you! Rising to the challenge, we did and promptly landed up in Allahabad. The train journey itself was quite an experience which I have described in one of my earliest blogs Rail Travails (https://senseinthenonsense.blogspot.com/2009/04/rail-travails-travels-has-not-been.html). We were staying at the Railways Retiring Room and in the Coal Engine days  the Railway Stations were naturally a degree or two warmer as compared to rest of the town. We would take turns to take a shower and then sit under the fan to keep us from being charred.

Indian Army also conducts its major exercises  in the desert during peak summers and having been part of them umpteen number of times, cooped in BMPs  and Tatras with mercury shooting past the 50 degree celsius we had to establish a Cool Room, as per the instructions to prevent heat strokes. The Cool Rooms were those 180 lbs tents with a cooler and lot of ice in a tub, our own unit produced aerated drinks thrown in plenty. It served the purpose nevertheless. We didn't have time to crib about the heat, too engrossed in the activities. These days we sit in air-conditioned homes comfortably, even if we do go to the offices, we commute in air-conditioned cars to air-conditioned offices but still keep harping about the heat, sharing the memes on social media with glee.

What we don't do is take any positive action to deal with this situation, we don't switch off the AC, don't plant trees instead fell forests for our unnecessary needs. High time, we wake up and rise to the occasion and do our bit to save our  planet.